The Meltdown (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 13) Read online

There used to be a lot of BOYS on the Patrols,

  but most of them quit or got kicked off before

  the start of the new year.

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  The last two boys on the Patrols were Eric

  Reynolds and Dougie Finch, who were both

  captains. But they had their badges taken away

  in the first week of January when they got into

  a snowball fight in front of the kindergarten

  classroom at the elementary school.

  So now the Safety Patrols are 100% GIRLS.

  And I’ll bet they’ve been planning a takeover for

  a WHILE.

  The reason is because the guys at my school can

  be real JERKS. And when it snows, they’re

  REALLY bad.

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  After a while, I’m sure the girls got SICK of it,

  and that’s why they put themselves in charge.

  Now that the girls are in power, they’re not messing

  around. If you throw a single snowball on a school

  day, the Safety Patrols will report you to the

  principal, and it’ll get you an automatic suspension.

  So the girls are just PRAYING one of us guys

  will step out of line.

  Today the road was cleared, but the sidewalk

  WASN’T. Whenever that happens, me and

  Rowley just walk in the road. But these new

  Safety Patrols are sticklers for the rules, and

  they won’t let us walk in the street, even though

  THEY do it.

  But it’s practically IMPOSSIBLE to walk on the

  sidewalk when it hasn’t been plowed, ESPECIALLY

  when people are clearing their driveways.

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  In fact, it’s hard to even know where the sidewalk

  IS, and this morning I almost busted a kneecap on

  a fire hydrant that was buried in a snowdrift.

  The thing that REALLY stinks is that the Safety

  Patrols make all us guys walk on the SIDEWALK,

  but they let all the GIRLS walk on the ROAD.

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  When me and Rowley got to school today, we were

  totally wiped out from the trip in. But the girls in

  our class were fresh and ready to go. And if one

  of them goes on to be president, it’s because they

  got an unfair advantage back in middle school.

  I don’t really blame the Safety Patrols for

  sticking it to the guys in my grade. Most boys are

  basically SAVAGES, and they make civilized guys

  like ME look bad.

  But with this new Safety Patrol situation, I’ve

  been thinking there might be a way for me to

  separate myself from those fools.

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  If I can work FOR the Safety Patrols, I can

  stay on their GOOD side. And if I report the

  troublemakers to the girls, then they’ll OWE me.

  For some reason, though, snitching is really frowned

  on in my school. If you tell on a kid for doing

  something WRONG, then everyone says you’re a

  tattletale, and it’s hard to recover from that.

  But from what I can tell, the only people the

  “no snitching” thing helps are the BULLIES. I’m

  sure they’re the ones who came up with the idea in

  the FIRST place.

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  Personally, I don’t have ANY problem with

  snitching. And apparently, you can make MONEY

  off of being a tattletale.

  Rodrick told me about a guy in his high school who

  turned out to be a “narc,” which means the guy

  PRETENDED to be a high-schooler, but he was

  actually a cop in DISGUISE.

  I’ve heard about this kind of thing before,

  and sometimes I wonder if there are narcs in

  MIDDLE school, too.

  There’s a new kid named Shane Browning who

  came to our school in the middle of the year, and

  he looks a lot older than the rest of us. I’m

  starting to wonder if maybe HE’S a narc.

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  So I’ve been giving him the inside scoop on my

  classmates, just in case he is.

  Anyway, the snow situation is causing a LOT of

  problems.

  For the past few days, kids have been

  wearing their boots in school, and everyone tracks

  snow through the hallways.

  So today, the teachers made everyone take off

  their boots in the entryway. But the snow on the

  boots MELTED and made a giant PUDDLE.

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  Then kids WALKED through the puddle on their

  way to class, and before long everyone’s socks were

  SOAKED. One thing led to another, and by third

  period it was just complete CHAOS in the hallways.

  It got so bad the teachers had to collect all of

  our socks and keep them in the front office.

  But a bunch of barefoot middle schoolers isn’t such

  a great thing, either.

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  At the end of the day, we all went to the front

  office to get our socks. But most socks look the

  SAME, so no one could tell which ones belonged

  to who.

  Luckily, Jake McGough has a really good sense

  of smell, and he paired each kid up with their

  correct socks.

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  He even got the socks right for the Garza twins,

  which you have to admit is pretty IMPRESSIVE.

  I was glad it was a little warmer on the way home

  today, since me and Rowley didn’t have Gramma’s

  house to use as a pit stop. But that didn’t mean

  the walk home was EASY.

  You’re not allowed to throw snowballs on the way

  home from school. But AFTER you get home, you

  can do anything you WANT.

  So kids who live close to school have figured out that

  if they drop their bags off at their houses, that

  counts as being HOME. Then they come after the

  kids like me and Rowley who still have a long way to

  WALK.

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  The SAFETY PATROLS get ambushed, too.

  But rules are rules, and they’re not allowed to

  fight BACK.

  And they get attacked from both SIDES. Some

  of the kids on my hill who get rides home walk

  halfway back to school just to get their licks in.

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  It’s supposed to snow another few inches tomorrow.

  I told my parents that I’m saving up for a

  SNOWMOBILE so getting to school isn’t such a

  hassle on days like today.

  But Mom and Dad started listing all the reasons

  why a middle school kid can’t have a snowmobile,

  and after a while I kind of tuned them out.

  Any time I come up with a good idea, my parents

  shoot it down. They did the same exact thing

  when I had my dogsled idea LAST winter.

  I figured if I bought a few dogs and trained

  them to pull a sled, getting to school in the

  morning would be a SNAP.

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  I guess my parents thought I was JOKING,

  though, because they told me I should go for it.

  But when I used my Christmas money to buy a

  litter of puppies from the lady up the street,

  Mom and Dad made me return every last one.

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  Thursday

  Today reminded me why the winter is my least

  favorite time of year.

 
It was another snowy day, but this morning I

  decided to do some extra preparation to stay warm

  on the way to school. Dad lit a fire before he left

  for work, and I figured I could use it to warm

  up my coat and boots before I put them on.

  But I put my boots too close to the fire, and

  the rubber soles melted into the bricks. So when it

  was time to go, they wouldn’t BUDGE.

  Rowley was coming by to get me at any minute, so

  I had to figure out something ELSE to wear on

  my feet.

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  I knew the Safety Patrols wouldn’t let us walk

  in the street, and my sneakers were gonna get

  SOAKED if I had to walk through the snow.

  So I created my own SNOWSHOES out of pizza

  boxes and duct tape. And by the time Rowley

  knocked on the door, I was ready to go.

  I’ve gotta say, my snowshoes worked even better

  than I EXPECTED. In fact, I was moving

  along so fast that Rowley had trouble keeping up

  with me.

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  But once we got to the bottom of Surrey Street,

  things fell apart.

  The boxes got SOGGY, and I started sinking

  into the snow. And then it was even WORSE

  than having sneakers on, because now I was

  dragging these wet BOXES along with me.

  I knew this wasn’t working, so I had Rowley try

  to help me pull the boxes off my sneakers. But it

  was practically IMPOSSIBLE, because they were

  double-wrapped in duct tape.

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  Unfortunately, we were right at the edge of the

  Guzmans’ yard, and they’ve got about eleven dogs.

  The dogs were curious about what we were doing,

  and that wasn’t helping things.

  Then the dogs got AGGRESSIVE and started

  fighting over the pizza boxes. That’s when I

  remembered there were a few slices of pizza still

  in them.

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  The dogs chewed up the pizza boxes, and thankfully

  didn’t take off my FEET. We got out of there

  as quick as we could, but my sneakers were getting

  soaked in the snow.

  The second I stepped onto the street, though,

  the Safety Patrols were right there with their

  whistles. So I had to just suck it up and walk on

  the sidewalk.

  It didn’t take long for the COLD to set in.

  I was worried I could lose my TOES if I

  didn’t find a way to warm them up. But the

  school was still a long way off, and I was

  desperate.

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  So we stopped every few houses, and I’d shove

  my feet into a dryer vent until I got the feeling

  back in my toes.

  We finally made it to school. But it took me a

  minute to realize it was almost as cold in THERE

  as it was OUTSIDE.

  Apparently what happened was that the sock

  smell from yesterday was so strong that it was

  too much for the night janitor.

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  So he went around and opened all the windows to

  let some fresh air circulate.

  But then I guess he forgot to CLOSE the

  windows at the end of his shift. And the furnace

  couldn’t keep up, so it shut down. That meant we

  had a whole day of school with NO HEAT.

  At first the teachers let us wear our winter stuff

  in class. But I guess that was too weird, so they

  changed their minds and made us put our gear in

  the lockers.

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  In History we were FREEZING, but our teacher

  was just FINE. Mrs. Willey keeps a space heater

  next to her desk, and she had that thing

  cranked up to the MAX.

  Halfway through class, a girl named Becky

  Cosgrove tipped over her desk and started

  yelling, which was totally random.

  As punishment, Mrs. Willey made Becky sit in a chair

  next to her desk. And it took a minute for the

  REST of us to figure out what Becky’s game was.

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  But kids in middle school are idiots, and within

  thirty seconds EVERYONE was trying to get a

  seat next to Mrs. Willey.

  For the rest of the day, everybody did whatever

  they could to keep WARM. And some kids got

  pretty CREATIVE about it.

  We had a school play a few weeks ago, and

  somebody had the bright idea to get one of the

  costumes

  from behind the stage.

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  While most of us were freezing our butts

  off INSIDE, the snow was really piling up

  OUTSIDE. And by fourth period, people were

  freaking out that we were gonna be stuck at

  school OVERNIGHT.

  At lunch, kids bought up everything in the cafeteria

  so they’d have something to eat if we got snowed in.

  That sent everyone ELSE into a panic, so kids made

  a run on the vending machines in the hallways.

  At that point, people were just trying to get their

  hands on anything that was EDIBLE. A rumor

  spread that there was food in the SCIENCE lab,

  so a bunch of kids ran down THERE.

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  And from what I heard, they picked that place

  CLEAN.

  I think the principal could see that she was about

  to have a RIOT on her hands, so she announced

  an early dismissal.

  Well that was great news for everyone who rode

  the BUS home, but us kids who had to WALK

  didn’t have it so easy. I really wasn’t looking