Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6) Read online

  playing Freeze Tag, but one of them got hurt

  when someone shoved him from behind.

  26

  So now we’re not allowed to touch each other or

  even run. Today people were playing “Air Tag”

  and getting around by speed-walking, but it

  wasn’t really the same.

  got

  you!

  nuh-uh!

  nuh-uh!

  shuffle

  shuffle

  scoot

  scoot

  If you ask me, I think people are getting too

  carried away with all this safety stuff. I went to

  Manny’s peewee soccer game, and all the kids had

  to wear bicycle helmets.

  doink

  bonk

  The only good thing about the playground

  equipment being gone is that now I actually have

  a chance to start doing well in school.

  27

  I’m one of those people who has a hard time

  focusing when the teacher is talking, and when

  another class is having recess right outside the

  window, it’s practically impossible to pay attention.

  Wednesday

  OK, I take back what I said about being glad

  the playground equipment is gone. Now the kids

  at recess don’t have anything to do, so they just

  stare in through the windows. And that’s seriously

  distracting when you’re trying to take a test.

  28

  It doesn’t help that I’m not exactly the fastest

  test-taker. In third grade I had a teacher

  named Mrs. Sinclair who taught us all these great

  tricks for remembering multiplication facts. But

  they seriously slow me down.

  eight times four is thirty-two,

  thirty-two, thirty-two!

  eight times four is thirty-two,

  and now you know it’s true!

  (to the tune

  of “mary had a

  little lamb”)

  Earlier this year we had a math teacher named Mr.

  Sparks who used to stand on his chair every time

  he wanted us to remember something important.

  29

  But once when Mr. Sparks was trying to get us

  to remember a math concept, one of the legs on

  his chair broke and he fell.

  yaargh!

  snap

  Mr. Sparks broke his collarbone, and I heard he’s

  suing the school over it. I don’t remember the

  concept he was trying to teach us that day, but I

  do always remember never to stand on the furniture.

  During recess today everyone was just waiting

  to go back inside, but then Rowley got up and

  started skipping around the playground.

  30

  skip

  skip

  A few people started cheering and clapping.

  They must’ve thought Rowley was protesting all

  the new rules by skipping instead of running, but

  the truth is, skipping is just something Rowley

  likes to do.

  For some reason it really gets on my nerves when

  Rowley skips, so it bugged me to see him prancing

  around the playground like that. Skipping is

  actually a real sore subject between the two of us.

  Rowley says I’m jealous of him because I don’t

  know how to skip, but I think it just looks stupid.

  31

  I will admit that I never exactly got the hang

  of skipping. In fact, I was the only kid in first

  grade who couldn’t do it.

  that’s

  galloping!

  I was afraid I’d be held back until I learned how

  to skip, but luckily they let me move on to second

  grade. Still, I’m worried it’s gonna come back to

  haunt me later on.

  greg heffley will not be

  receiving his diploma due

  to an inability to skip.

  Sometimes I wonder how me and Rowley ended

  up being friends in the first place, since we’re so

  different. But at this point I figure we’re stuck

  with each other, so I just try to overlook the

  things he does that annoy me.

  Thursday

  The thing that stinks about having Santa’s

  Scout watching my every move at home is that

  I can’t get away with the things I used to do

  during the holidays.

  A few years ago Mom and Dad put some gifts

  under the tree a week before Christmas, and it

  was driving me crazy not knowing what they were.

  shake

  shake

  33

  One of the gifts had my name on it, and I was

  pretty sure it was a video game. I made a tiny

  little tear in the wrapping paper to see, and sure

  enough, it was a game I’d asked for.

  But then it was bugging me that a game I

  wanted was sitting right there under the tree

  and I couldn’t play it. So I went one step

  further and made a slit along the top of the

  packaging and slid the box out.

  slice

  I opened the plastic case and removed the game,

  then put the box back in the wrapping paper and

  taped it closed.

  But I started to get paranoid that Mom was

  gonna pick up the present and notice it felt

  lighter, so I opened it back up and put one of

  Rodrick’s heavy metal CDs inside the box to make

  it the same weight it was before.

  34

  I played the video game every night after Mom

  and Dad went to bed, and I actually beat it.

  But I forgot to put it back in the box, and on

  Christmas, when I opened my present in front of

  Mom and Dad, Rodrick’s CD slipped out and rolled

  onto the floor.

  doink

  35

  The day after Christmas, Mom took the CD to

  the Game Hut and chewed the clerk out for selling

  her material that was “inappropriate” for kids.

  I just don’t like not knowing what I’m getting

  for Christmas, and sometimes I can’t help myself.

  Last year I went on Mom’s e-mail account and

  wrote to all our relatives to see if I could find out

  what they were getting me.

  TO: Gammie, Uncle Joe, Uncle Charlie,

  Gramma, Grandpa, Uncle Gray, Joanne,

  Leslie, Byron, 23 more

  SUBJECT: Gifts

  Hey, everyone-

  Let me know what you’re buying for

  Greg this year, so we can coordinate.

  Thanks, Susan

  But Mom keeps her e-mail on the computer in the

  kitchen, and it’s hard to get onto her account

  when Santa’s Scout is watching me like a hawk.

  Tonight I spent some time trying to decide what

  to put on my Christmas wish list this year. I try

  to be as specific as possible when I make my list,

  because whenever I leave my gifts up to Mom and

  Dad, I get some crazy stuff.

  A few years ago I forgot to write out a wish

  list, and I paid the price for it. Mom was

  pregnant with Manny, and she wanted me to get

  ready for having a baby brother.

  37

  So for Christmas, Mom got me a DOLL.

  Baby

  Alfrendo

  REALISTIC DOLL FOR BOYS

  HE

  CRIES!

 
HE

  EATS!

  HE

  WETS!

  ENCOURAGES

  RESPONSIBILITY!

  NOW GROWS HAIR!

  At first I didn’t want anything to do with it.

  38

  Then I realized having a doll you could FEED

  came in handy. In fact, I don’t think a

  vegetable touched my lips for a month after I

  got Alfrendo.

  here comes

  the airplane,

  alfrendo!

  open wide!

  But that wasn’t the only thing I used that doll

  for. I found out that he made a really excellent

  comic book stand, too.

  I have to admit, after a few months I got

  really attached to that doll.

  39

  Since I didn’t have a pet, it was kind of nice to

  have something to take care of for once.

  does alfrendo

  look handsome in

  his big-boy shoes?

  oh, yes he does!

  But one day I came home from school and I

  couldn’t find Alfrendo ANYWHERE. I searched

  the house from top to bottom, but there was no

  trace of him.

  The only thing I could think of was that I

  dropped Alfrendo at some point and somehow

  didn’t notice.

  bump

  40

  I was pretty torn up about losing my doll, but

  what I was REALLY worried about was Mom

  thinking I couldn’t be trusted around my new

  baby brother. So I got a grapefruit out of the

  fridge and drew a face on it with a marker.

  Then I wrapped the grapefruit in a dish towel,

  and for the next three months I pretended it

  was my doll.

  rockabye

  baby on the

  treetop…

  41

  Mom and Dad didn’t seem to notice. But I was

  terrified by the idea that the REAL Alfrendo

  was gonna find his way back home and get his

  revenge on me for abandoning him and replacing

  him with a fruit.

  scratch

  scratch

  In fact, I still worry about that to this day.

  It’s the reason I always check to make sure my

  window is locked before I go to bed at night.

  I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but I

  actually got attached to that GRAPEFRUIT,

  too. But after a while it started to rot, and Dad

  traced the weird smell back to my Alfrendo decoy.

  42

  Mom didn’t seem too upset that I’d lost my doll,

  but I will say she’s never left me alone in the

  house with Manny for more than fifteen minutes.

  Like I said, though, it was nice to have

  something to take care of, and I missed that

  feeling. So these days I’ve been spending a lot of

  time playing this game called Net Kritterz.

  Net Kritterz

  LOGIN:

  43

  In fact, I’ve been playing Net Kritterz every

  free second I get. The basic idea is that you have

  to feed your pet and keep it happy. And if your

  pet is happy, you get tokens so you can buy it

  clothes and furniture and stuff like that.

  I’ve played so much that my pet Chihuahua has

  a mansion with an indoor swimming pool, a bowling

  alley, and about 150 different outfits.

  The only thing I’m not happy about is his

  name. Mom’s the one who set up my account,

  and I can’t figure out how to change the name

  she registered with.

  gregory’s little

  friend

  44

  Mom says I take better care of my virtual pet

  than I do myself, and I guess I can’t

  argue with her there. Over the weekend I played

  for sixteen hours without even taking a break to

  go to the bathroom.

  But if you don’t keep getting your pet new

  stuff, it starts to look unhappy, and that really

  stresses me out.

  mood meter

  gregory’s

  little

  friend is

  feeling:

  queasy

  45

  The problem is you can only earn a certain number

  of tokens, and after that you have to buy them

  with real money. Unfortunately, I don’t have my

  own credit card, so that means I have to beg

  Mom and Dad to use theirs.

  And it’s not real easy to convince Dad to break

  open his wallet so you can buy a fancy outfit for

  your virtual pet.

  mood meter

  gregory’s

  little

  friend is

  feeling:

  snazzy

  This year I’m gonna ask for a bunch of Kritterz

  Kash for Christmas. But I’m still trying to figure

  out what to put on the rest of my wish list.

  I could actually use a lot of different things,

  because a couple weeks ago when I spent the

  night at the hospital getting my tonsils out,

  Manny sold half of everything I owned.

  46

  But I’m not so sure I should ask for a normal

  gift like a video game or a toy this year. What

  I’ve realized is that every time you get something

  cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a

  week it’s being used against you.

  we’ll be taking

  this away until

  your english

  grade improves!

  47

  One thing I know for sure is that this year

  I’m only accepting store-bought presents. Last

  Christmas, Mom gave me a really nice hand-knit

  blanket, and I had that thing wrapped around

  me for half the winter.

  COMIX

  But I found a picture of the same blanket on Great

  Uncle Bruce, who passed away a few years ago, so I

  pawned it off on Rodrick for his birthday.

  GET

  WELL

  SOON

  48

  Sunday

  I was gonna play Net Kritterz all weekend,

  but yesterday Mom said the amount of time I’m

  spending playing that game is “unhealthy” and

  that I had to interact with a “real live person.”

  So I called up Rowley and asked him to come

  over, even though I was still a little bothered by

  the whole skipping thing.

  When Rowley got to my house, we sat down in

  front of the TV to play video games, but Mom

  said we had to shut off the machine and interact

  “face-to-face.”

  But one of the things that makes my friendship

  with Rowley work is that he doesn’t MIND

  watching me play video games.

  49

  Plus, the reason our ancestors invented technology

  in the first place was so they didn’t HAVE to

  interact with one another.

  Mom sent me and Rowley down to the basement,

  and the two of us tried to figure out what to do.

  I’d asked Rowley to bring some DVDs with him so

  we could stay up late watching movies.

  But he only brought HOME movies, and you

  couldn’t PAY me to watch THOSE.

  Rowley’s

  5th Grade

  Play

  Trip

  Rowley’s

  Birth


  Mom brought us down some “Wacky Sentences”

  books, where you fill in the blanks to create

  funny phrases.

  50

  For the first round, Rowley came up with the

  words and I wrote them down in the blanks. The

  phrases we made were actually pretty funny, but

  what wasn’t funny was Rowley’s new habit of

  saying “lol” instead of laughing.

  our cafeteria has

  really smelly food.

  the pizza is purple

  and the french fries

  are slimy.

  lol.

  lol.

  lol.

  It was really driving me crazy. So we switched

  roles, and I came up with the words instead. Rowley

  started by asking me for the name of a sport, so I

  said “volleyball.” But he told me it’s “bolleyball,” with

  a “b.” So then we got into this huge argument about

  what letter “volleyball” starts with.

  51

  I found a dictionary and handed it to Rowley

  and told him to look it up himself. But instead

  of flipping to the letter “v,” Rowley read every

  single word in the “b” section. And when he

  couldn’t find “bolleyball,” he started over from

  the beginning.

  bacon…

  bacteria…

  badger…

  Rowley accused me of having an outdated dictionary

  and said that’s why “bolleyball” wasn’t in it, so

  then we got into an argument about what year

  volleyball was invented.

  By this point Rowley was really getting on my

  nerves, and I realized we’d better change gears

  or we were gonna end up in a fight, as usual.

  52

  I told Rowley maybe we should do something

  different, and he said he wanted to play Hide-

  and-Seek. But the problem with playing Hide-and-

  Seek with Rowley is he thinks that when he can’t

  see you, you can’t see him. So that makes him

  really easy to find.

  I decided we just needed a break from each

  other, so I came up with an idea. I told Rowley

  we were gonna see who was braver, me or him, and