Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 4) Read online

  Jefferson wanted us to pay him back, he sure

  wasn’t making it easy. But all we could really do

  was take our one flyer and get out of his office.

  53

  Then me and Rowley went around from house to

  house showing everyone our flyer and telling them

  about the V.I.P. Lawn Service.

  After we hit a few houses, we realized it would be

  a lot easier to just ask the next person we spoke

  with to pass the flyer along so me and Rowley

  wouldn’t have to do all that walking.

  Now the only thing we have to do is sit back and

  wait for the phone calls to start rolling in.

  Thursday

  Me and Rowley waited around all day yesterday,

  but we didn’t get any calls.

  54

  I was starting to wonder if we should try to find

  a card with more muscular guys for our next flyer.

  Then, at about 11:00 this morning, we got a call

  from Mrs. Canfield, who lives on Gramma’s street.

  She said her lawn needed mowing but she wanted to

  check our references before she hired us.

  I used to do lawn work for Gramma, so I called

  her up and asked if she could call Mrs. Canfield

  and tell her what a good worker I am.

  Well, I must’ve caught Gramma on a bad day,

  because she really lit into me. She said I left piles

  of leaves on her lawn last fall and now there were

  patches of dead grass all over her yard.

  55

  Then she asked me when I was gonna come over

  and finish the job.

  That was not really the kind of response I was

  looking for. I told Gramma we were only taking

  paying jobs at the moment but maybe we could

  get back to her later on in the summer.

  Then I called Mrs. Canfield and did my best

  imitation of Gramma. I guess I’m lucky my voice

  hasn’t changed yet.

  the v.i.p. lawn service

  does exceptional work

  and catered to my

  every lawn need.

  56

  Believe it or not, Mrs. Canfield bought it. She

  thanked “Gramma” for the reference and hung up.

  Then she called back a few minutes later, and I

  answered in my regular voice. Mrs. Canfield said

  she’d hire us and that we should come by her house

  later today to get started.

  But it’s kind of far from my house to Mrs.

  Canfield’s, so I asked her if she could come get us.

  She didn’t seem real happy that we didn’t have our

  own transportation, but she said she’d be willing to

  pick us up if we could be ready at noon.

  Mrs. Canfield came to my house at 12:00 in her

  son’s pickup truck, and she asked us where our

  lawn mower and all our equipment was.

  57

  I said we didn’t actually have any equipment but

  that my Gramma keeps her side door unlocked and

  I might be able to sneak in and borrow her mower

  for a few hours. I guess Mrs. Canfield must have

  been pretty desperate to get her lawn mowed,

  because she went along with my plan.

  Luckily, Gramma wasn’t home, so it was easy to get

  the mower out of her house. We rolled it over to

  Mrs. Canfield’s yard, and then we were ready to

  get to work.

  That’s when me and Rowley realized neither one

  of us had ever actually operated a lawn mower

  before. So the two of us poked around for a

  while and tried to figure out how to get the

  thing started.

  mind if I

  change the

  radio station?

  58

  Poke

  poke

  Unfortunately, when we tilted the mower on its

  side, all the gasoline spilled out onto the grass,

  and we had to go back over to Gramma’s to get

  a refill.

  I picked up the owner’s manual for the mower

  while we were at it. I tried to read it, but the

  instructions were written in Spanish. I got the

  feeling from the bits and pieces I could

  understand that operating a lawn mower was a

  lot more dangerous than I originally thought.

  PRECAUCIÓN!

  El uso incorrecto

  puede tener como

  resultado graves

  lesiones fisicas o

  muerte.

  Siempre

  conserve los

  pies y las manos

  alejadas de las

  cuchillas del

  cortacésped.

  Nunca utilice el

  cortacésped

  durante

  tempestades

  con truenos.

  59

  I told Rowley he could have the first crack at

  the lawn mowing and that I would go sit in the

  shade and start working on our business plan.

  Rowley didn’t like that idea at all. He said this

  was a “partnership” and that everything had to

  be 50-50. I was pretty surprised by this, because

  I’m the one who came up with the idea for the

  lawn service in the first place, so I was more like

  the owner than a partner.

  I told Rowley we needed someone to do the grunt

  work and someone to handle the money so it didn’t

  get all sweaty.

  Believe it or not, that was enough to make Rowley

  walk right off the job.

  60

  I just wanna say for the record that if Rowley

  ever needs me for a job reference in the future,

  I’m gonna have to give him a lousy review.

  The truth is, I don’t really need Rowley anyway.

  If this lawn service business grows the way I

  think it will, I’m gonna have about a HuNDReD

  Rowleys working for me.

  In the meantime, I needed to get Mrs.

  Canfield’s lawn mowed. I looked through the

  manual for a little while longer and then figured

  out that I needed to pull on this handle

  attached to a cord, so I tried that.

  The mower started up right away, and I was off

  and running.

  61

  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna

  be. The lawn mower was self-propelled, so all I

  needed to do was walk behind it and steer every

  once in a while.

  Then I started to notice that there were

  piles of dog poop everywhere. And steering

  around them was not an easy thing to do with

  a self-propelled mower.

  swerve

  The V.I.P. Lawn Service has a very strict policy

  when it comes to dog poop, which is that we won’t

  go anywhere near it.

  62

  So from that point on, whenever I saw anything

  that looked suspicious, I would mow a ten-foot

  circle around it just to be safe.

  The job actually went a lot faster after that

  because I had a lot less lawn to cover. After I

  was done, I went to the front door to collect

  my money.The final bill was thirty dollars, which

  was twenty dollars for the lawn plus ten bucks for

  the time me and Rowley spent designing that flyer.

  63

  But Mrs. Canfield wouldn’t pay. She said our

  service was “lousy” and
that we hardly mowed any

  of her lawn.

  I told her about the dog poop issue, but she still

  wouldn’t cough up what she owed me. And to make

  matters worse, she wouldn’t even give me a ride

  home. You know, I figured someone might try to

  stiff us this summer, but I never thought it would

  be our very first customer.

  I had to walk home, and by the time I got

  to my house, I was really mad. I told Dad

  the whole story about my lawn mowing experience

  and how Mrs. Canfield wouldn’t pay me.

  64

  Dad drove right over to Mrs. Canfield’s house,

  and I went with him. I thought he was gonna

  chew her out for taking advantage of his son,

  and I wanted to be there to see it firsthand.

  But Dad just got Gramma’s mower and cut the

  rest of Mrs. Canfield’s grass.

  When he was done, he didn’t even ask her for

  any money.

  The trip wasn’t a total waste of time, though.

  When Dad wrapped things up, I planted a sign

  in Mrs. Canfield’s front yard.

  65

  I figured if I wasn’t gonna get paid, I might

  as well get some free advertising for all my trouble.

  another great

  job by

  v.i.p lawn

  service

  555-2941

  thwunk

  Saturday

  The V.I.P. Lawn Service has not really panned

  out the way I thought it would. I haven’t

  had any work since that first job, and I’m

  starting to think maybe Mrs. Canfield has been

  bad-mouthing me to her neighbors.

  I thought about just giving up and closing our

  business, but then I realized that with a few

  tweaks to the flyer, we could start things back

  up again in the winter.

  66

  v.i.p.

  snow removal

  you’ve tried the rest,

  now go with the best!

  The problem is, I need money now. I called up

  Rowley to start brainstorming new ideas, but his

  mom said he was at the movies with his dad. I was

  a little annoyed, because he never bothered to ask

  me if he could take the day off.

  67

  Mom’s not letting me do anything fun until this

  fruit smoothie bill is paid off, so that meant it was

  up to me to figure out how to earn the cash.

  I’ll tell you who has a lot of money, and that’s

  Manny. I mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks

  ago Mom and Dad told Manny they’d give him a

  quarter for every time he uses the potty without

  being asked. So now he carries around a gallon of

  water with him at all times.

  Manny keeps all his money in a big jar on his dresser.

  He’s gotta have at least $150 in that thing.

  68

  I’ve thought about asking Manny to lend me the

  money, but I just can’t bring myself to do that.

  I’m pretty sure Manny charges interest on his

  loans anyway.

  i can get the

  rest of it to

  you tomorrow.

  I’m trying to figure out a way to earn money

  without doing any actual work. But when I

  told Mom what I was thinking, she said I’m

  just “lazy.”

  ok, so maybe I Am lazy, but it’s not really my

  fault. I’ve been lazy ever since I was a little kid,

  and if someone had caught it early on, maybe I

  wouldn’t be the way I am now.

  69

  I remember in preschool, when playtime was over,

  the teacher would tell everyone to put away their

  toys, and we would all sing the “Cleanup Song” while

  we did it. Well, I sang the song with everyone

  else, but I didn’t do any of the actual cleaning.

  clean up, clean up,

  everybody everywhere!

  clean up, clean up,

  everybody do your share!

  So if you want to find somebody to blame for

  the way I am, I guess you’d have to start

  with the public education system.

  Sunday

  Mom came into my room this morning and woke me

  up for church. I was glad to go, because I knew I

  was gonna have to turn to a higher power to get

  this fruit smoothie bill paid off. Whenever Gramma

  needs anything she just prays, and she gets it

  right away.

  70

  I think she has a direct pipeline to God or

  something.

  dear lord, please let

  me find my dollar

  savers coupon book.

  For some reason I don’t have that same kind of

  pull. But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna quit trying.

  dear lord, please let mr. jefferson

  get hit on the head so he forgets

  about the money I owe him. and please

  let me get past the third level of

  twisted wizard without having to use

  any of my bonus health packs. amen,

  and thank you in advance.

  71

  Today’s sermon was called “Jesus in Disguise,” and

  it was about how you should treat everyone you

  meet with kindness because you never know which

  person is really Jesus pretending to be someone else.

  I guess that’s supposed to make you wanna be

  a better person, but all it does is make me

  paranoid because I know I’m gonna just end up

  guessing wrong.

  wow, thanks

  for shining

  my shoes!

  no

  problem,

  “fred”!

  They passed the donation basket around like they

  do every week, and all I could think was how I

  needed that money a lot more than whoever it was

  going to.

  72

  But Mom must’ve seen the look in my eye, because

  she passed the basket to the row behind us before

  I could take what I needed.

  Monday

  My birthday’s coming up this weekend, and it

  can’t get here quick enough for me. This year I’m

  gonna have a FAmIlY party. I’m still really

  burned up with Rowley for bailing out on our lawn

  care business, so I don’t want him thinking he can

  come over and eat my birthday cake.

  Plus, I’ve learned my lesson about friend parties.

  When you have a friend party, all your guests think

  they have the right to play with your presents.

  73

  And every time I have a friend party, Mom invites

  HeR friends’ kids, so I end up with a bunch of

  people at my party I barely even know.

  And those kids don’t buy the gifts, their moms

  do. So even if you get something like a video game,

  it’s not a video game you’d actually want to play.

  froggie

  + ruff

  learn about

  sharing

  74

  I’m just glad I’m not on the swim team this summer.

  Last year I had practice on my birthday, and Mom

  dropped me off at the pool.

  everybody be sure to wish

  greg a happy birthday!

  honk

  I got so many birthday noogies that I couldn’t

  even lift my arms to swim.
/>
  3…4…5…

  6…7…

  8…

  9…10…

  11…

  punch

  punch

  punch

  punch

  75

  So when it comes to your birthday, I’ve learned

  it’s best to just keep kids out of the equation.

  Mom said I could have a family party as long

  as I promised not to do my “usual” with the

  birthday cards. That stinks, because I have a

  GReAt system for opening cards. I put them

  all in a neat pile, and then I rip each one open

  and shake it to get the money out. As long as

  I don’t stop to read anything, I can get

  through a pile of twenty cards in under a minute.

  shake

  shake

  Mom says the way I do it is “insulting” to the people

  who got me the cards. She says this time around I

  have to read every card and acknowledge the person

  who gave it to me. That’ll slow me down, but I

  guess it’s still worth it.

  76

  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I

  want for my birthday this year. What I ReAllY

  want is a dog.

  I’ve been asking for a dog for the past three

  years, but Mom says we have to wait until Manny’s

  completely potty trained before we get one. Well,

  with the potty training racket Manny’s got going

  on, that could take FoReVeR.

  The thing is, I know that Dad wants a dog,

  too. He used to have one when He was a kid.

  77

  I figured all Dad needed was a little nudge, and

  on Christmas last year I saw my chance. My

  Uncle Joe and his family stopped by our house,

  and they brought their dog, Killer, with them.

  I asked Uncle Joe if he wouldn’t mind hinting to

  Dad that he should get us a dog. But the way Uncle

  Joe did it probably set my dog-getting campaign back

  by five years.

  a boy needs a

  dog, frank!

  slap

  The other thing I have no chance of getting for

  my birthday is a cell phone, and I can thank