Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 2) Read online

  I had already drilled Rowley on what to do if

  we ever got busted, and that if we both just

  denied everything, we’d be ok.

  73

  But the second Mom started asking Rowley

  questions, he broke down.

  So after our visit to Rowley’s house, Mom drove

  me over to Chirag’s to apologize. And let me tell

  you, that wasn’t a whole lot of fun.

  Mr. Gupta didn’t seem too impressed with my

  apology, but believe it or not, Chirag was actually

  pretty cool about it.

  74

  After I apologized, Chirag invited me inside to

  play video games. I think he was so relieved to

  finally have one of his classmates talking to him

  again that he just decided to forgive me for the

  whole incident.

  So I guess I forgive him, too.

  Tuesday

  Even though Chirag let me off the hook last

  night, Mom wasn’t done with me yet.

  She wasn’t really that mad about the joke or how

  I treated Chirag. She was just mad that I

  lied about it.

  So Mom told me she’ll ground me for a month

  if she catches me lying again.

  75

  And that means I better watch my step,

  because Mom’s not gonna forget what she said.

  When it comes to my screwups, Mom has a memory

  like an elephant.

  Last year Mom caught me lying, and I paid the

  price for it.

  Mom made a gingerbread house a week before

  Christmas, and she put it on top of the

  refrigerator. She said nobody was allowed to

  touch it until Christmas Eve dinner.

  That's the second

  time you tracked

  mud into the

  kitchen!

  first time: six years ago

  76

  But I couldn’t help myself. So every night, I’d

  sneak downstairs and pick off a little piece of the

  gingerbread house. I tried to only eat a tiny

  piece each time so Mom wouldn’t notice.

  It was really hard to limit myself to one gumdrop

  or one little crumb of gingerbread each night, but

  I managed to do it anyway.

  77

  I didn’t know how much I had actually eaten until

  Mom took it down off the fridge on Christmas Eve.

  When Mom accused me of eating all the candy, I

  denied it. But I wish I just fessed up right away,

  because that fib totally backfired on me.

  Mom had just gotten hired to write a parenting

  column for the local newspaper, and she was always

  looking for material. So that incident pretty much

  made me into a local celebrity.

  When your child

  is being deceptive

  The weeks leading up to Christmas

  can be a source of stress for a child

  and can harbor unforeseen temp-

  tations. My son Gregory found that

  78

  You know, now that I think about it, Mom isn’t

  exactly squeaky clean when it comes to being

  honest herself.

  I remember when I was a kid, and she found out

  I wasn’t brushing my teeth every night. She faked

  a call to the dentist’s office. And that call is the

  reason why I still brush my teeth four times a day.

  Friday

  Well, it’s been three days and I’ve kept my promise

  to Mom. I’ve been 100% honest the whole time,

  and believe it or not, it’s not that hard.

  Dr. Kratz, do you have

  dentures for little

  boys? Oh, only wooden

  ones? I guess that will

  have to do, then.

  79

  In fact, it’s kind of liberating. I’ve been in a

  couple of situations already where I was a lot

  more honest than I would have been a week ago.

  For example, the other day I had a conversation

  with this neighborhood kid named Shawn Snella.

  When I grow up,

  I'm gonna be a

  professional

  basketball

  player!

  Think again, Shawn!

  Neither one of your

  parents is taller

  than five-foot-two,

  and you're the only

  200-pound six-year-

  old I know!

  Waaah!

  I cannot

  tell a lie.

  80

  And yesterday, Rowley’s family had a birthday

  party for his grandfather.

  Most people don’t seem to appreciate a person as

  honest as me. So don’t ask me how George

  Washington ever got to be president.

  Next year,

  I want a

  chocolate

  cake!

  That is if

  you're

  alive

  next year!

  Hey, I'm just

  trying to be

  realistic!

  81

  Saturday

  Today I answered the phone, and it was Mrs.

  Gillman from the pta, looking for Mom. I tried

  to hand her the phone, but she whispered for me

  to tell Mrs. Gillman that she wasn’t home.

  I couldn’t tell if Mom was trying to trick me

  into lying or what, but there was no way I

  was going to break my honesty streak over

  something as dumb as this.

  So I made Mom go out on the front porch before

  I said a word to Mrs. Gillman.

  My mother is

  not inside

  the house

  right now.

  82

  And from the look Mom gave me when she came back

  in the house, I kind of get the feeling she’s not

  gonna hold me to that honesty pledge anymore.

  Monday

  Today was Career Day at school. They have

  Career Day every year to get us kids to start

  thinking about our future.

  They brought in a bunch of adults who had all

  these different jobs. I think the idea is that us

  kids will find out about a job we like, and then

  we’ ll know what we want to be when we grow up.

  But what really happens is that you just

  find out which jobs to rule out.

  And that's

  why I love

  being an

  electrical

  engineer!

  electrical

  engineer

  formulate concept

  of operations

  write plans and

  procedures

  integrate plans

  and procedures

  83

  After the presentations, we had to fill out

  these questionnaires. The first question was,

  “Where do you see yourself in fifteen years?”

  I know exactly where I’ll be in fifteen years:

  in my pool, at my mansion, counting my money. But

  there weren’t any check boxes for that option.

  The questionnaires are supposed to predict what

  kind of job you’re going to have when you grow

  up. When I was finished, I looked up my job on

  the chart, and I got “Clerk.”

  Well, there must be something wrong with the way

  they set these forms up or something, because I

  don’t know any clerks who are billionaires.

  84

  Some other kids were unhappy with th
e jobs

  they ended up with, too. But the teacher said

  we shouldn’t take these things too seriously.

  Well, try telling that to Edward Mealey. Last

  year, he got “Sanitation Worker” on his job

  chart, and the teachers have been treating him

  different ever since.

  Rowley got “Nurse” on his job chart, and he

  seemed pretty happy about it. A couple of girls

  got Nurse, too, and they were chatting away

  with Rowley after class.

  Edward, could

  you please

  clean up this

  juice spill?

  scoot

  scoot

  85

  Next year I have to remember to sit next to

  Rowley and copy his job form so I can get in on

  some of that action.

  Saturday

  Me and Rodrick were just sitting around the

  house today, so Mom sent us over to Gramma’s to

  rake her leaves.

  Mom said she’d pay us $100 in Mom Bucks for

  each bag we filled. Plus, Gramma said she’d give us

  hot chocolate after we were finished.

  I really didn’t feel like working on a Saturday,

  but I needed the cash. Besides, Gramma makes

  really awesome hot chocolate. So we got some

  rakes and plastic bags from our garage and

  headed down to Gramma’s house.

  86

  I took one side of the yard, and Rodrick took

  the other. But ten minutes into the job,

  Rodrick came over and told me I was doing

  everything all wrong.

  Rodrick said I was putting way too many leaves

  in each bag, and that if I just tied the bag closer

  to the bottom, I could get done a lot quicker.

  No, no

  no!

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  See, now this is the kind of advice you’re

  supposed to get from your older brother.

  After Rodrick showed me that trick, we went

  through bags like nobody’s business. In fact, we

  ran out in half an hour.

  Gramma didn’t seem too happy about forking over

  the hot chocolate when we came inside. But like

  they say, a deal’s a deal.

  Monday

  Ever since Career Day, Rowley has been spending

  lunch with a bunch of girls who sit at the corner

  table in the cafeteria. I guess the group of them

  is like the Future Nurses of America or something.

  Ahhhh!

  88

  Don’t ask me what they talk about over there.

  They just whisper and giggle like a bunch of

  first-graders.

  All I can say is, they better not be talking

  about me.

  You remember how I said Rodrick is the only one

  who knows about that really embarrassing thing

  that happened to me over the summer? Well,

  Rowley knows the second most embarrassing

  thing that ever happened to me, and I really

  don’t need him digging it back up.

  Back in fifth grade, we had a project in Spanish

  where we had to do a skit in front of the class,

  and my partner was Rowley.

  Psst psst

  psst!

  Hee hee

  hee!

  89

  We had to do the whole skit in Spanish. Rowley

  asked me what I would do for a candy bar, and

  I said I’d stand on my head.

  But when I tried to do a headstand, I tipped

  over, and my rear end went right through the wall.

  Well, the school never bothered to fix the hole, so

  for the rest of my time in elementary school, my

  butt-print was on display in Mrs. Gonzales’s room.

  And if Rowley’s spreading that story around,

  believe me I’m gonna tell the whole world who ate

  the Cheese.

  Estario

  parado

  en mi

  ay-ay-ay!

  90

  Wednesday

  Today I realized that if I wanted to know what

  Rowley and those girls are talking about at lunch,

  all I have to do is read his diary. I’ll bet he’s

  writing down all sorts of juicy gossip in that thing.

  The problem is, Rowley’s diary is locked. So even

  if I got ahold of it, I wouldn’t have any way to

  open it. But then I thought of something. All I

  had to do was buy the same exact diary he has,

  and then I’d have a key.

  So I went to the bookstore tonight and got

  the last one on the shelf. I just hope buying

  this thing was worth it, because I had to cash

  in half of my Mom Bucks to pay for it. And I

  don’t think Dad was too thrilled with the idea of

  me buying a Sweet Secrets Diary, either.

  91

  Thursday

  After Phys Ed today, I saw that Rowley

  accidentally left his diary on the bench. So when

  the coast was clear, I used my new key on his

  diary, and sure enough, it worked.

  I opened it up and started reading.

  Dear Diary,

  Today I played with

  my Dinoblazer action

  figures again. It was

  Mecharex vs. Triceraclops

  and Mecharex bited Tri-

  ceraclops in the tail.

  Ow!

  Darn.

  92

  I flipped through the rest of the book to see if

  my name was in there anywhere, but it was just

  page after page of this garbage.

  After seeing what’s going on in Rowley’s head,

  I’m kind of starting to wonder why I’m even

  friends with him in the first place.

  Saturday

  Things at home have been really good for about a

  week. Rodrick has the flu, so he doesn’t have

  the energy to bother me. And Manny has been

  at Gramma’s, so I’ve had the TV all to myself.

  And then Triceraclops

  turned around and

  said oh yeah well how

  do you like that and

  he shot Mecharex right

  in the heinie.

  Ow

  no

  fair.

  93

  Yesterday, Mom and Dad made a surprise

  announcement. They said they were going away

  for the night, and that me and Rodrick were in

  charge of the house.

  That was some pretty big news, because Mom and

  Dad have never left me and Rodrick on our

  own before.

  I think they’ve always been afraid that if they

  go away, Rodrick is gonna have a huge party

  and trash the house.

  But with Rodrick knocked out with the flu, they

  must’ve seen their big chance. So after Mom gave

  us a speech about “responsibility” and “trust” and

  all that, they took off.

  94

  The second Mom and Dad walked out the

  door, Rodrick jumped up off of the couch and

  picked up the phone. Then he called every friend

  he knew and told them he was having a party.

  I thought about calling Mom and Dad to tell

  them what Rodrick was up to, but I’ve never

  actually been to a high school party before, so

  I was curious. I decided to just keep my mouth

  shut and soak it all in.

  Rodrick told me to get some folding tables out
of

  the basement and bring a couple of bags of ice out

  of the downstairs freezer. Rodrick’s friends started

  to show up around 7:00, and before you knew it,

  there were cars parked up and down the street.

  95

  The first person to walk through the door was

  Rodrick’s friend Ward. A bunch more people

  started showing up after that, and Rodrick told

  me we were gonna need more tables. So I went

  downstairs to get them.

  But as soon as I stepped foot in the basement,

  I heard the door lock behind me.

  I pounded on the door, but Rodrick just

  cranked up the music to drown me out. So I was

  stuck down there.

  Man, I should’ve known Rodrick would go and

  pull something like that.

  click

  96

  I guess it was pretty dumb of me to think

  Rodrick was gonna let me in on the action.

  It sounded like it was a pretty wild party. I

  think some girls even showed up at one

  point, but I couldn’t be too sure, because it was

  hard to keep track of what was going on from

  just looking at the bottoms of people’s shoes.

  The party was still going strong at 2:00 a.m.,