Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 2) Read online

again?

  48

  After a couple of hours, Dad finally cracked.

  Dad waited for Mom to go to bed, and then he

  typed Rodrick's whole paper for him. So I

  guess this means Rodrick’s system is safe, at

  least for now.

  I have a book report due tomorrow, but I’m

  really not sweating it.

  I found the secret to doing book reports a long

  time ago. I’ve been milking the same book for the

  past five years: “Sherlock Sammy Does It Again.”

  type

  type

  type

  49

  There are about twenty short stories in

  “Sherlock Sammy Does It Again,” but I just

  treat each story like it's a whole book, and the

  teacher never notices.

  These Sherlock Sammy stories are all the same.

  Some grown-up commits a crime, and then

  Sherlock Sammy figures it out and makes the

  person look stupid.

  I'm kind of an expert at writing book reports

  by now. All you have to do is write exactly what

  the teacher wants to hear, and you’re all set.

  Your first mistake,

  Mr. Beasley, was

  when you forgot to

  convert celsius to

  fahrenheit!

  geek!

  50

  Man, Sherlock Sammy is

  so smart, and I'll bet that's

  cause he reads so many

  books.

  I'll

  bet

  you're

  right!

  There were a bunch of

  hard words in this book,

  but I looked them up in

  the dictionary so now I

  know what they mean.

  I guess

  you're a

  bit of a

  "sleuth"

  yourself!

  51

  october

  Monday

  There was a kid named Chirag Gupta who was

  one of my friends last year, but he moved away in

  June. His family had a big going-away party, and

  the whole neighborhood came. But I guess Chirag’s

  family must have changed their mind, because today

  Chirag was back in school.

  Everyone was happy to see Chirag again, but a

  couple of us decided to have a little fun with him

  before officially welcoming him back.

  So we basically pretended he was still gone.

  Boy, I sure

  do miss

  Chirag.

  yeah...I

  wonder

  how he's

  doing?

  Hey, guys!

  I'm right

  here!

  52

  I have to admit, it was pretty funny.

  At lunch, Chirag sat next to me. I had an

  extra chocolate-chip cookie in my lunch bag, and

  I made a big deal about it.

  Did you

  just hear

  something?

  Nope...

  must have

  been the

  wind!

  I wish Chirag was

  here. Oh, how he

  loved chocolate-

  chip cookies.

  But I'm sitting

  right next

  to you!

  I'm not

  even that

  hungry

  53

  OK, so maybe that one was a little cruel.

  I guess we’ll probably let Chirag off the hook

  tomorrow. But then again, this Invisible Chirag

  thing could turn into the next “P.U.”

  Tuesday

  OK, so the Invisible Chirag joke is still going,

  and the whole class is in on it now. I don't

  want to get too far ahead of myself or anything,

  but I think I might have Class Clown in the

  bag for dreaming this one up.

  In Science, the teacher asked me to count the

  number of kids in the classroom so she'd know

  how many pairs of safety goggles to get out of

  the closet.

  Gobble gobble

  smack smack

  54

  So I made a big show of counting everyone in

  the room except Chirag.

  Well, that really set Chirag off. He got up

  and started yelling, and it was really hard to

  stare straight ahead and act like he wasn't there.

  ...33...34!

  There are 34

  people in

  this class.

  I ... am ... a...

  human...

  being ... too!

  55

  I wanted to tell him that we never said he wasn't

  a human being, it’s just that he’s an invisible

  human being. But I managed to keep my mouth shut.

  Before you go and say I’m a bad friend for teasing

  Chirag, let me just say this in my own defense:

  I’m smaller than about 95% of the kids at my

  school, so when it comes to finding someone I can

  actually pick on, my options are pretty limited.

  And besides, I’m not 100% to blame for dreaming

  up this idea. Believe it or not, I got the idea

  from Mom. This one time when I was a kid, I

  was playing under the kitchen table, and Mom

  came looking for me.

  Has anyone

  seen Gregory?

  56

  I don’t know what made me do it, but I decided

  to play a joke on Mom and stay hidden.

  Mom went all around the house calling my name.

  I think she must have finally seen me under the

  kitchen table, but she still pretended she didn't

  know where I was.

  I thought it was pretty funny, and I probably

  would’ve stayed hidden under there for a little

  while more. But Mom finally got me to crack when

  she said she was gonna give my gum-ball machine

  to Rodrick.

  Poor Gregory, all

  alone in the snow.

  oh, boo hoo hoo.

  57

  So if you want to point fingers on the Invisible

  Chirag joke, now you know who’s really to blame.

  Thursday

  Well, yesterday, Chirag pretty much gave up on

  trying to get anyone in our class to talk to him.

  But today he found our weakness.

  Rowley,

  do you

  think I

  exist?

  Nope! I

  can't even

  hear you

  or see you!

  58

  I forgot all about Rowley. When the joke

  first started up, I made sure to keep him away

  from Chirag, because I had a feeling Rowley

  would blow the joke.

  But I guess I kind of got too cocky and let my

  guard down.

  Chirag started working on Rowley at lunch, and he

  came really close to getting him to crack.

  I could tell Rowley was about to say something,

  so I had to act quick. I told everyone there

  was a floating corn dog hovering above our lunch

  table, and then I plucked it out of the air and

  ate it in two bites.

  If you say I

  exist, this

  corn dog is

  yours!

  59

  So thanks to my quick thinking, we were able to

  keep the joke going.

  But that really made Chirag mad. He started

  punching my arm, but of course I had to pretend

  like I didn't notice.

>   And let me tell you, that wasn't easy to do.

  Chirag might be small, but that kid can really punch.

  (gobble, smack.)

  Not as good as

  the regular

  kind, though.

  Is there a flea breathing

  on me? Because it feels

  like a tiny little flea is

  breathing on me.

  punch

  punch

  60

  Friday

  Well, I guess Chirag must have complained to a

  teacher about my little joke, because today I got

  called down to the front office.

  When I got to Vice Principal Roy's room, he was

  pretty mad. He knew all about how I started the

  joke, and he gave me a speech about “respect”

  and “decency” and all that.

  But luckily, Mr. Roy got one crucial fact wrong,

  and that was the identity of the person we

  were playing the joke on. So that made the

  apology part a whole lot easier.

  I am deeply sorry,

  and now I do

  indeed admit that

  you exist, Sharif.

  61

  Mr. Roy seemed pretty satisfied with my apology,

  and he let me go without even tacking on any

  detention.

  I've always heard that when Mr. Roy is done

  chewing a kid out, he sends them off with a pat

  on the back and a lollipop. And now I can tell

  you firsthand that it's true.

  Saturday

  Rowley's birthday party is tomorrow, so Mom

  took me to the mall to get him a gift. I picked

  out this cool video game that just came out, and I

  handed it to Mom so she could pay for it. But Mom

  said I had to buy it with my own money.

  lick

  62

  I told Mom that first of all, I have zero money.

  And second of all, if I did have any money, I

  wouldn’t be wasting it on Rowley.

  Mom didn’t seem too happy with what I said,

  but it’s not my fault I’m broke. I actually had

  a job this summer, but the people I worked for

  stiffed me, so I didn’t earn a single penny.

  We have these neighbors named the Fullers who

  live a few doors up, and they go away on vacation

  every summer.

  They usually leave their dog, Princess, in the

  kennel, but this year, they told me they'd pay me

  five bucks a day to feed Princess and take her

  out. I figured I’d earn enough to buy a whole

  pile of video games with that kind of money.

  63

  But I guess Princess is gun-shy about going to

  the bathroom in front of strangers, so I

  ended up spending a lot of time standing

  around in the hot sun waiting for this dumb dog

  to hurry up and go.

  I'd wait and wait and nothing would happen,

  and then I'd just take Princess back inside.

  But every time I’d leave, Princess would make a

  big mess in the foyer, and I’d have to clean it up

  the next day. Toward the end of the summer I

  got smart and realized it would be a whole lot

  easier to just clean up all of Princess's messes at

  once instead of doing it every single day.

  Come

  on!

  64

  So I fed her and let her do her business on the

  foyer floor for about two weeks.

  Then, the day before the Fullers were due back,

  I headed up the hill with all my cleaning supplies.

  But guess what? The Fullers cut their trip short

  and got home a day early.

  I guess they didn’t know it’s polite to call ahead

  and let people know when your plans have changed.

  65

  Tonight, Mom called a house meeting with me and

  Rodrick. She said that the two of us are always

  complaining that we don’t have any money, so she

  came up with a way for us to earn some cash.

  Then she pulled out some play money she must've

  dug up out of a board game, and she called the

  money “Mom Bucks.” Mom said we could earn Mom

  Bucks by doing chores and good deeds and stuff

  like that, and we could trade them in for

  real money.

  Mom handed us $1,000 each to get us started.

  I thought I had struck it rich. But then she

  explained that each Mom Buck was only worth a

  penny of real money.

  Mom told us how we should save up our Mom Bucks,

  and if we were patient, we could buy something we

  really wanted.

  66

  But Rodrick cashed in his whole stash before Mom

  was even done talking.

  Then he went down to the convenience store and

  blew his money on some heavy-metal magazines.

  If Rodrick wants to waste his money like that,

  he can go right ahead. But I'm gonna be smart

  with my Mom Bucks.

  Sunday

  Today was Rowley’s birthday party, and he had it

  at the mall. I’m sure I would have thought it was

  a lot of fun if I was about seven years old.

  67

  That was the average age of the kids at Rowley’s

  party. Rowley invited his whole karate team, and

  most of those kids are still in elementary school. I

  just wish I would have known what the party

  was gonna be like so I could have skipped it.

  We started off playing these dopey party

  games like Pin the Tail on the Donkey and

  stuff like that. The last game we played was

  Hide-and-Seek.

  My plan was to just hide in the ball pit and stay

  there until the party was over. But some

  other kid was already in there.

  It turned out this kid wasn't from Rowley's

  party. He was from the last birthday party

  that happened an hour earlier.

  68

  I guess he must have hid in there during Hide-and-

  Seek, and nobody ever found him.

  So Rowley’s party had to be put on hold while

  the staff tried to track down this kid’s parents.

  After that situation got cleared up, we had cake

  and watched Rowley open his gifts. He mostly

  got a bunch of kids’ toys, but he seemed pretty

  happy about it.

  YAAAY!

  69

  Then Rowley's parents gave him their present.

  And guess what? It was a diary.

  It kind of ticked me off, because I knew

  Rowley asked his parents for a diary so he could

  be just like me. After Rowley opened his present

  he said:

  I let him know exactly what I thought of that

  idea by slugging him in the arm. And I really

  don’t care that it was his birthday, either.

  We can call

  ourselves the

  "diary twins"!

  Owww...

  rub

  rub

  70

  One thing I will say, though. I used to be mad

  at Mom for getting me a journal that looked too

  girly. But after seeing Rowley’s diary, I’m not

  so mad anymore.

  Lately, Rowley has been totally riding me.

  He reads the same comic books I read, drinks

  the same kind of soda I drink, you name it.

  Mom says I should be “flattered,�
�� but to be

  honest with you, it’s totally creeping me out.

  A couple days ago, I did an experiment to see

  just how far Rowley would go.

  sweet

  secrets

  diary

  71

  I rolled up one of my pant legs and tied a bandanna

  around my ankle and went to school that way.

  Sure enough, the next day Rowley came to school

  wearing the same exact thing.

  And that's how I ended up in Vice Principal

  Roy's office for the second time in a week.

  Monday

  I thought I was totally in the clear for the

  Invisible Chirag thing. But, boy, was I wrong.

  There are some

  thugs outside my

  house sporting

  "gang colors."

  72

  Tonight, Mom got a call from Chirag's dad.

  Mr. Gupta told Mom all about the prank we

  were playing on his son, and how I was the

  ringleader.

  When Mom questioned me, I told her I didn’t

  even know what Chirag’s dad was talking about.

  Then Mom marched me up to Rowley's house to

  hear what he had to say.

  Luckily, I was prepared for this kind of thing.