Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6) Read online

  he said he wanted to be like a real reporter and

  go out looking for stories. So I told him he should

  go around the neighborhood and see if he could

  dig up any dirt. But what Rowley came back with

  wasn’t exactly hard-hitting news.

  Kitten has a fun day

  By ROWLEY JEFFERSON

  Yesterday Mrs. Salter’s kitten

  Mittens was seen frolicking in

  her front yard. Mittens spent an

  hour and a half chasing after a

  butterfly that was flying around

  Mrs. Salter’s azaleas, and when

  the butterfly flew off, Mittens

  got very interested in something

  that was jumping near the front

  porch. But by the time I got

  close enough to see what

  Mittens was chasing, the thing

  had hopped away.

  Mittens enjoys the nice weather yesterday.

  131

  I decided to make myself editor in chief so I

  could control the kinds of things we had in our

  newspaper. Because if Rowley had his way, our

  paper would be like a little girl’s coloring book.

  Mom told us we should go to some businesses

  downtown and see if anyone was willing to pay

  for ads to cover the cost of our first printing.

  The only person who was willing to buy an ad in

  our paper was Tony from Papa Tony’s Pizza, and

  I’m pretty sure the reason he agreed to help is

  because we’re in there at least twice a week and

  he didn’t want to lose our business.

  Tony gave us just enough money to buy some color

  ink cartridges, so we printed a hundred copies.

  132

  Monday

  Yesterday we went around town trying to sell our

  papers, but nobody wanted to pay and we had to

  start giving them out for free. When we handed a

  paper to Tony, he didn’t seem too happy that his

  ad was running next to a negative review of his

  restaurant.

  Papa Tony’s pizza stinks!

  By Food Critic

  GREG HEFFLEY

  Have you noticed that Papa

  Tony’s has started to really go

  downhill lately?

  It all started when they

  took the barbecue chicken

  pizza off of their menu and

  replaced it with a spinach

  pizza.

  Then they stopped selling

  grape soda. Papa Tony’s was

  the only place in town you

  could get grape soda, so now

  I have to drink root beer, but

  it’s really not the same.

  And half the time the soda

  water doesn’t mix right with

  the syrup, so you either get

  corn syrup sludge or soda

  water. I think they’re just

  trying to give you a bad

  fountain soda experience so

  you’ll pay for the canned

  soda, which costs twice as

  much.

  My last complaint is about

  the napkins. You used to be

  able to use as many as you

  wanted, but now Tony only

  lets you have two, and if you

  take more he gives you a

  dirty look.

  Papa Tony’s

  Two-for-One Deal

  Order any one-topping pizza

  and get a second one FREE!

  OFFER EXPIRES ON

  DECEMBER 31

  Mention this ad and you’ll get an

  additional dollar off your order.

  I told him if he bought a BIGGER ad for the

  NEXT edition of the paper, we could arrange for

  a more positive write-up.

  We still had a few dozen papers left, and since

  we were handing them out for free, I figured I

  could unload them at school.

  133

  But when I started giving them to kids as they

  walked in the door, Vice Principal Roy asked me

  what I was doing.

  He said I couldn’t hand out an “unauthorized

  publication” on school grounds and that he was

  going to have to confiscate my papers. But I

  knew what this was REALLY all about. Vice

  Principal Roy was just spooked that we were

  gonna give the school a run for its money with our

  Holiday Bazaar.

  I was still pretty mad about the whole thing

  when I got home this afternoon, and I decided

  I wasn’t gonna just roll over and let Vice Principal

  Roy shut us down.

  134

  Even though Vice Principal Roy took our papers,

  I figured I could make some signs and hang them

  up around town to advertise.

  I knew Mom kept poster board and markers in

  the laundry room for school projects, so I got

  to work. I used the neon green poster board,

  because I wanted to make sure you could see our

  signs from a mile away.

  I finished making the posters after dinner and

  called Rowley to ask for help putting them up. We

  started with the school because I figured a lot of

  parents would see them when they dropped their

  kids off in the morning.

  Holiday

  Bazaar

  12 surrey

  street

  Fun!

  Games

  Cheap

  drummies

  135

  But right when we were done hanging them up, it

  started to rain, and the marker on our signs ran.

  And soon they were pretty much worthless.

  Fun!

  Games!

  Prizes!

  But when we pulled them down, we got a huge

  shock. The rain had made the green dye from the

  poster board bleed, too, and now there were huge

  green splotches all over the brick wall.

  136

  We tried to get the green dye off the wall, but

  that stuff was like permanent ink.

  I knew we couldn’t leave giant green stains all

  over the school, so I tried to figure out what

  to do next. But right at that moment, someone

  yelled at us from the street.

  Rub

  rub

  Scrub

  scrub

  hey! what’re

  you kids

  doing?

  137

  Me and Rowley panicked and took off. We ran

  across the parking lot and through the shortcut

  in the woods, then kept running until we were

  sure we’d lost whoever was back there.

  I wish we didn’t run, because if we had just

  stayed and explained ourselves it probably would’ve

  been fine. I don’t know if the person who called

  out was a parent or a police officer or WHAT, but

  I just hope they didn’t recognize us. Because if

  they did we could be in some SERIOUS trouble.

  Tuesday

  When I woke up this morning, I thought maybe

  everything that happened last night was just a

  bad dream. But then I saw the newspaper on the

  kitchen table.

  138

  The Daily Herald

  Vandals deface middle school

  Top: Juveniles left these green splotches on the school last night.

  Left: Police

  sketches of the

  vandals based on

>   an eyewitness

  account.

  The suspects fled

  the scene when

  confronted by the

  passerby.

  Vandals struck

  last night under

  cover of darkness

  and rain, leaving

  large bright green

  stains on the front

  wall of the town

  middle school.

  The meaning of

  the green blobs is

  still unknown, but

  police suspect it

  could be gang-

  related.

  “Graffiti artists

  have caused a lot

  of property damage

  in the past six

  months,” said Sgt.

  Peters of the town

  police force.

  SEE VANDALS, A2

  So now I’m basically a criminal. Believe it or not,

  this isn’t the FIRST time I’ve been falsely

  accused of a crime.

  When I was in the Boy Scouts, I was trying to

  earn my Service Project merit badge, and I had to

  do some kind of good deed. Mom said I should go

  over to Leisure Towers and see if there were any

  elderly people who needed help carrying groceries or

  something like that, and she told Rodrick he had to

  give me a ride.

  139

  When we got to the parking lot of Leisure

  Towers, there was a lady walking around who

  looked like she was lost.

  lÖded

  diper

  We asked the lady if she needed any help, and

  she said she was just walking to the supermarket

  on the other side of the apartment building. But

  I knew the nearest supermarket was almost five

  miles away in the opposite direction, so we said

  we’d give her a ride.

  lÖded

  diper

  140

  The only condition was that she had to ride in

  the back because I had already called shotgun.

  We dropped the woman off at the supermarket,

  and then we went home. When we walked in the

  door, I was pretty excited to tell Mom about my

  good deed. I told her about the lady and how

  we gave her a ride to the supermarket a few miles

  from Leisure Towers and saved her a lot of walking.

  141

  But Mom said there was a brand-new supermarket

  a block away from Leisure Towers and the woman

  had probably been heading THERE. So that

  meant we dropped her off five miles from where

  she was trying to go, and now she didn’t have a

  way to get home.

  Mom said we had to get back in the van and

  see if we could find the lady, so we went to the

  supermarket where we dropped her off. But a

  cashier told us she’d already finished her shopping

  and left.

  We eventually found the lady walking along the

  highway with her groceries.

  142

  We tried to offer her a ride back to Leisure

  Towers, but this time she wouldn’t get in the van.

  lÖded

  diper

  I guess she must’ve called the local TV station to

  report us once she got home, because that night

  we were on the news.

  teens are kidnapping

  residents of leisure

  towers. could your

  grandmother be next?

  143

  This school vandalism thing seems a LOT more

  serious, though. Luckily the eyewitness sketches in

  the paper didn’t really look like me and Rowley,

  so I thought maybe we’d be OK. But when I

  got to school, all anyone wanted to talk about

  was who was behind the green blobs.

  The school had a general assembly in third period,

  and the topic was the so-called graffiti on the

  front of the school. Vice Principal Roy said someone

  had spray-painted the front wall and he was sure

  the perpetrators were students at our school.

  He said someone in the auditorium knew who was

  responsible and that it was terrible to live with a

  “guilty conscience.” Then he said he was gonna put

  a locked box in the cafeteria to make it easy for

  someone to leave an anonymous tip.

  144

  At lunch I could tell Rowley was really freaking

  out, so I reminded him that this “vandalism”

  thing was a lot of baloney and we didn’t really

  do anything wrong. But Rowley said if he got a

  criminal record, he wouldn’t be able to get into

  college or get a job and that his whole future

  would be ruined. It took a while, but eventually

  I convinced him to just stay cool and wait for

  the whole thing to blow over.

  After lunch the POLICE came to the school, and

  Vice Principal Roy started calling kids down to the

  front office one by one. At first I was worried

  someone had identified us, but then I realized Vice

  Principal Roy was only calling the names of the

  worst troublemakers.

  145

  That’s when I knew they didn’t have any real

  evidence, and I started to relax.

  dennis root, please report

  to the front office.

  At recess a kid named Mark Ramon told us what

  happened when he went in for questioning. The

  police had a machine that they said was a lie

  detector, and they claimed it was foolproof, so

  there was no point in fibbing.

  lie

  detector

  Mark said it was pretty obvious the “lie detector”

  was really just a photocopier. But whenever Mark

  said something the police didn’t like, Sergeant Peters

  hit the “copy” button and out came a piece of paper.

  146

  He’s lying.

  I guess the police eventually gave up, because

  after lunch Vice Principal Roy stopped calling kids

  down to the front office. So I finally feel like

  we’re off the hook.

  Wednesday

  When I got to school today, I thought the

  green dye incident was totally behind me. So I

  was pretty surprised when I heard MY name on

  the loudspeaker during morning announcements.

  greg heffley, report

  to vice principal roy’s

  office immediately.

  147

  I walked into Vice Principal Roy’s office, and he told

  me to take a seat. He said he knew I was one of

  the “culprits” responsible for the green blobs and

  asked me if I had anything to say for myself.

  I looked around the room for the lie detector

  machine, but I didn’t see it, and I decided my

  best move was to just keep quiet or maybe ask

  for a lawyer. Then Vice Principal Roy pulled a

  piece of paper out of the anonymous-tip box and

  showed it to me.

  All of a sudden, everything made sense.

  Me and Greg Heffley

  vandalized the school.

  Mr. Roy

  148

  Mr. Roy

  Rowley confessed, but he kept himself anonymous.

  I don’t know if Rowley did it that way on

  purpose or if he’s just a total doofus, but I’m

  guessing it�
��s door number two.

  I didn’t see any reason to play dumb at that

  point, so I told Vice Principal Roy the whole

  story. I told him about the signs and how the

  rain made the poster board bleed and how we

  panicked and ran.

  Vice Principal Roy thought about it for a while,

  and then he told me I should’ve come clean

  earlier. He said he was gonna have to give me a

  punishment to make sure I learned my lesson and

  said that after school I had to scrub the green

  dye off the wall with bleach.

  Then he gave me a choice.

  149

  scrub

  scrub

  He said I could name my “co-conspirator” or I

  could just take the punishment myself.

  Let me tell you, that was not an easy one. I

  really wanted to stick it to Rowley for writing my

  name on that piece of paper, but I also didn’t

  see the point in both of us getting in trouble for

  something that I basically dragged him into.

  So I decided this time around I’d just take one

  for the team.

  And if Rowley gets into a good college or gets

  some dream job later on, I hope he remembers to

  thank me.

  150

  Town Police

  Department

  We came by, but

  no one was home.

  we will come

  back later.

  Sgt. Peters

  Thursday

  It took me two hours to scrub the green dye

  off the wall yesterday, and it was hard work. I

  tried to get Vice Principal Roy to get me a few

  steel wool pads so we could speed things along,

  but he told me I needed to stick with the bleach.

  I finally got home around 5:00 p.m., and there

  was a note on the front door. When I read it,

  I almost passed out.

  I couldn’t BELIEVE Vice Principal Roy gave

  me up to the police. I thought we were gonna

  keep this between us and that once I served my

  punishment, it was over and done with.

  151

  don’t mess up, or

  you’ll end up in

  here like us!

  All I know is, I can’t go to jail. This year they

  took our class on a “Scared Straight” field trip to

  the local prison. They had these prisoners talk to