Cabin Fever (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 6) Read online

  us about what their lives were like in jail, and it

  really freaked everybody out.

  But it wasn’t the idea of being locked up that

  scared me. It was the fact that the toilets in

  the cells are right out in the open.

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  did you

  poop?

  cupcake

  club

  OFFICIAL MEMBER

  HEFFLEY, GREGORY

  I have a HUGE issue when it comes to privacy.

  It’s bad enough at school when you come back

  from the bathroom and everyone wants to know

  all the details.

  I’ve never actually broken the law before, but

  when I was little I THOUGHT I did. They

  used to have this thing at my supermarket called

  the “Cupcake Club,” where they gave a free

  cupcake to everyone under eight years old. I had a

  membership card and everything.

  153

  Well, I kept taking a cupcake even AFTER I

  turned eight, and every time I did I thought

  I was gonna get busted. Then this one time an

  alarm went off at the EXACT moment I bit into

  a strawberry frosted cupcake with sprinkles.

  rrriiinngg

  cupcake

  club

  Looking back, I’m pretty sure what happened

  was that someone accidentally tripped the fire

  alarm or something, but I was convinced it was

  for me and that the cops were gonna swoop in

  and place me under arrest.

  So I made a run for it. Luckily Mom found me

  a few streets away, because as far as I was

  concerned, I was a fugitive and had started my

  life of crime.

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  But this vandalism thing was a whole lot more

  serious than the Cupcake Club episode. So when

  Mom got home with Manny, I didn’t tell her

  about the note.

  The person I was really worried about was DAD.

  I haven’t been on his good side lately. In fact,

  this morning we had an incident I’m sure he’s still

  sore over.

  I was asleep when I heard someone knocking on

  the front door, but I didn’t wanna get out of

  bed to answer it.

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  knock

  knock

  knock

  knock

  knock

  knock

  I was hoping whoever was there would just go

  away and come back later.

  But the knocking got louder and louder, and

  the person out there was acting like a maniac. I

  buried myself in my covers and just prayed that

  whoever it was wouldn’t knock the door down.

  I thought about calling the police, but then I

  remembered I was a wanted man and that I’d

  have to deal with this problem on my own.

  156

  Eventually I got brave enough to go downstairs

  and grab a baseball bat out of the garage to

  protect myself.

  Then it got quiet, and I pulled the curtain

  back to see if the person was still out there.

  But I was surprised to see DAD standing on

  the front step.

  He had gotten his tie stuck in the door and had

  left his keys inside, so he just needed me to open

  it to let him loose.

  knock

  knock

  knock

  157

  So I’m sure Dad is ready to ship me off to

  juvenile detention the first chance he gets. In

  fact, if he’s home when the police come, he’ll

  probably hand me over into their custody without

  batting an eye.

  It turns out I don’t have to worry about Dad—

  at least not for the next twenty-four hours.

  It started snowing pretty hard around dinner

  tonight, and Dad called Mom to say it was too

  dangerous for him to drive home, so he was gonna

  stay overnight in a hotel near his office.

  That means I’ve got until tomorrow to figure out

  my next move.

  Sip

  158

  Friday

  It looks like I’ll have more time than I thought.

  It snowed all night, and by the time I woke up

  this morning the snow was three feet high. They

  even canceled school.

  Apparently we’re in the middle of a BLIZZARD.

  Rowley actually called last night to tell me we

  were supposed to get a ton of snow, but I didn’t

  believe him.

  Every year around this time, Rowley calls to

  tell me there’s a huge snowstorm coming, and

  he’s always wrong. His family taped one of those

  holiday specials a few years ago, and the night

  they recorded it a “severe weather” warning was

  on the bottom of the screen.

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  So now the weather warning is a permanent part

  of the recording.

  blizzard alert:2—3 feet of snow expected

  Every time Rowley watches that holiday special,

  he calls me up and tells me a blizzard is coming.

  I used to fall for it, but I stopped believing him

  after he called me in a panic when he watched the

  special over summer vacation.

  So it looks like we’re snowed in. Ordinarily I

  would be really happy to be stuck in the house,

  because it would give me a good excuse to play Net

  Kritterz all day long.

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  But my account is locked thanks to Manny.

  nooooooo!

  A few days ago Mom decided it would be a good

  idea to teach Manny how to use the computer,

  so she let him play on my Net Kritterz account

  while I was at school. By the time I got home,

  Manny traded in everything I ever earned in the

  game for tokens and then blew all of them in the

  Kritterz Kasino.

  And the worst part is that Manny somehow

  figured out how to change my PASSWORD, so

  now I can’t even play the game and earn my

  stuff back. For the past few days I’ve been

  getting e-mails from Net Kritterz telling me I

  need to get back on the site, but there’s nothing

  I can do about it.

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  And if something doesn’t change soon, I don’t

  think my Chihuahua is gonna make it.

  TO: Heffley, Gregory

  FROM: Net Kritterz

  SUBJECT: SOS!

  Dear Gregory-

  GREGORY'S LITTLE FRIEND

  misses you!

  Purchase more tokens

  for your virtual pet

  before it's too late!

  This isn’t the only password Manny has changed,

  either. He figured out how to mess with the

  settings on our TV and changed the “parental

  lock” feature.

  The parental lock thing is supposed to allow

  parents to control what their kids can watch,

  but Manny changed the settings so that the only

  shows we can watch are HIS favorites. And he

  won’t give up the password, no matter how much

  we try to bribe him.

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  let’s be

  best

  friends!

  Luckily I can still play video games on the TV.

  But Mom just got this exercise game, and now she

  spends an hour a
day using my system.

  keep it

  up!

  When it got cold a few weeks ago, Mom said she

  wanted the whole family to use her exercise game

  so we’d stay active during the winter. I tried

  it out, but I don’t really like to sweat while I’m

  playing video games.

  163

  The problem is, the game keeps track of how

  much you exercise each day, so Mom was on my case

  about not using it. But then I figured out I

  could use the controller instead of my body, and

  within a few days I had all the high scores on

  the game.

  tap

  tap

  tap

  you’re

  doing

  great!

  When Mom saw my high scores, she took it as a

  personal challenge to beat them. I feel like I

  should probably come clean and tell her I cheated,

  but she’s already lost five pounds trying to get

  on the leaderboard, so I think I’ll do her a favor

  and keep my mouth shut.

  (pant,

  pant)

  chips

  High

  scores

  Greg

  Greg

  Greg

  Greg

  164

  Mom always says I need to spend less time on

  the couch and more time being active. But the

  way I see it, I’m just conserving my energy for

  later on. When all my friends are in their eighties

  and their bodies are broken down, I’ll just be

  getting started.

  48…

  49…

  50!

  This morning Mom wanted to turn on the weather

  channel to see when the blizzard was going to

  end, but Manny wasn’t budging on the parental

  lock, so she went into the kitchen and turned on

  the radio.

  The weather report said we could expect another

  foot and a half overnight, which means this storm

  is gonna break all the records for our area by the

  time it’s finished.

  165

  On the one hand I was pretty happy, because

  that meant I had some more time to figure out

  what to do about the police situation. But I was a

  little worried, too. The snow was already up to our

  mailbox, and it wasn’t showing any sign of stopping.

  Mom wasn’t stressed out about the snow, though.

  She said it was a good opportunity to slow down

  and relax and told me I should go down in the

  storage room to get a puzzle.

  But there was no WAY I was getting a puzzle

  from the storage room. I have a big phobia

  about puzzles, and that’s because once when I

  got one out of the basement, I opened the box

  and it was full of CRICKETS that had made a

  nest in there.

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  wrapping

  paper

  Ornaments

  Greg

  Bb

  After lunch Mom said that even though we were

  gonna miss school, she was gonna make sure we

  didn’t fall behind in our education. She said that

  two hundred years ago all the kids went to school

  in one classroom and that we could do the same

  sort of thing in our house.

  But if I was in the same classroom as a kid

  Manny’s age back in the old days, I would have

  gone bananas.

  “b” says “buh.”

  “buh.” “buh.”

  167

  Saturday

  Last night Mom brought up some stuff from the

  basement to keep us entertained. She found a

  magic set I got for my sixth birthday, and all

  the tricks were still in it.

  I never really played with the magic set because

  I couldn’t read the directions when I got it. But

  today I read through the instructions and tried

  a few tricks out.

  Hole-in-the-Table Trick

  Tell the audience there’s a

  magical hole in the table and that

  you can prove it by pushing a

  plastic cup straight through it.

  Put a piece of tinfoil over a plastic

  cup and wrap it tight.

  Slide the plastic cup toward you

  and allow it to fall out onto your

  lap. But don’t let your audience

  see you do it!

  Slap down on the empty tinfoil

  shell with your hand, standing

  up at the same time.

  The plastic cup

  will fall out of

  your lap and

  onto the floor,

  making it seem

  as if it has

  passed through

  the table! Voilà!

  The first trick worked pretty well, and I had

  Manny believing there was actually a magical hole

  in the table.

  168

  I really wish I hadn’t done that trick for

  Manny, though. When Mom was in the bathroom

  washing her face, Manny got her glasses off the

  dresser and brought them into the kitchen to try

  the trick himself.

  swap

  jump

  crink

  When Mom got out of the bathroom to look for

  her glasses, I had to tell her what happened.

  169

  Mom is practically BLIND without her glasses, so

  she said me and Rodrick were gonna have to help

  her out with Manny until Dad came home and she

  could get a new pair. Rodrick said he had some

  urgent homework assignments to work on, and

  he took off for the basement, leaving me to deal

  with Manny.

  I had to brush Manny’s teeth and tie his shoes,

  and then I had to make him breakfast. I poured

  some milk in the bowl and then dumped Manny’s

  favorite cereal on top.

  Well, Manny was upset that I poured the milk in

  first, and he had a fit. He wanted a new bowl of

  cereal since he said I did it in the wrong order.

  But I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good bowl

  of cereal, so I refused to do it.

  170

  Mom asked what was going on, and I told her

  Manny was just being ridiculous. I expected her to

  back me up and tell Manny to just eat his cereal

  the way it was, but Mom said she wouldnt eat it

  with the milk poured in first, either.

  You know, back in the old days adults were

  respected because of how wise they were, and

  people went to them to help settle disputes.

  for your crimes, you

  must repay your

  neighbor with three

  hens and a rooster.

  171

  Nowadays it’s a whole different world, and half

  the time I wonder if grown-ups should really

  be in charge.

  can you show us

  how to work the

  microwave again?

  Mom went upstairs to take a shower, and after she

  was finished she yelled down and said there were

  no towels in the bathroom. So I got one from the

  linen closet and tried to give it to her. But the

  handoff was tricky because she couldn’t see and I

  was shutting my eyes as tight as I could.

  Grope

  Grope

  172

  Later that morni
ng Manny had to use the

  bathroom, and Mom said she needed me to go in

  there and keep him “entertained.” But that’s

  where I put my foot down, because I knew what

  she had in mind. Manny used to make Mom read

  to him while he sat on the potty, but it just

  escalated from there.

  Puppet

  Theater

  After Manny was finished in the bathroom, Mom

  said I needed to make him lunch. She said he likes

  hot dogs, so I got one out of the refrigerator

  and put it in the microwave.

  Mom told me Manny is really finicky about the

  way his mustard goes on his hot dog, and she said

  he likes a straight line right down the middle.

  I didn’t want a repeat of Manny’s breakfast

  meltdown, so I tried to make the line of mustard

  as perfectly straight as possible.

  173

  I was pretty sure I got it right.

  Squirt

  Manny had another temper tantrum, though.

  I thought the line must not have been straight

  enough, so I got a napkin and wiped the mustard

  off to give it another try. But I guess Manny

  thought that hot dog was tainted, so I had to

  microwave another one.

  This time I tried to be extra careful with the

  mustard, but when I showed it to Manny, it was

  the same exact result as before.

  Mom asked me to describe how I was doing it,

  and I told her I was making a straight line of

  mustard along the length of the hot dog.

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  But Mom told me Manny likes his line of mustard

  ACROSS the hot dog, and when I did it like

  that, he finally calmed down.

  Squirt

  See, this is the kind of nonsense I’m dealing with

  right now. I’ve seen a lot of movies where a kid

  my age finds out he’s got magical powers and then

  gets invited to go away to some special school.

  Well, if I’ve got an invitation coming, now would

  be the PERFECT time to get it.

  See you

  people

  Later!

  175

  Sunday

  This morning at 10:00, Mom told me to go

  downstairs and wake up Rodrick. But when I

  walked down the basement steps, I could tell