Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 2) Read online

  get signed to a record label. Then he’ll quit

  school and just do the band full-time.

  It sounds like a terrible plan to me, but I

  think Dad is pretty open to the idea.

  194

  Wednesday

  Tonight was the big Winter Talent Show. I didn’t

  want to go, and neither did Dad. But Mom made

  us both go to show our support for Rodrick.

  Rodrick and Mom went to the school early to

  bring some stuff that Rodrick’s band needed, so

  Dad had to ride in the band’s van with Bill. And

  Dad wasn’t too thrilled when he ran into his boss

  in the school parking lot.

  The show kicked off at 7:00, and let me just

  say, I think it was a really bad idea to combine

  the three schools for this thing.

  Hiya,

  Frank!

  195

  They ended up having kindergartners singing

  songs to their teddy bears followed by eighteen-

  year-olds doing speed metal guitar solos.

  I don’t think Dad approved of Larry Larkin

  and all his piercings. Halfway through Larry’s

  guitar solo, Dad leaned over and whispered to

  the man sitting next to him.

  And now for

  Larry Larkin's

  performance of

  "carnage."

  scoot

  scoot

  What's the worst

  thing that kid up

  there could say

  to you?

  What?

  196

  I wish I had time to warn Dad that the guy

  he was talking to was Larry’s father.

  Another problem with combining the schools was

  that there were too many acts, and the show

  went on forever.

  At 9:30 they decided to start running two acts

  at the same time to keep the show moving along.

  Sometimes it worked out all right, like when they

  had Patty Farrell tap-dancing while Spencer Kitt

  was juggling. But other times it didn’t work out

  too good, like when Terrence James played a

  harmonica on a unicycle while Charise Kline read

  her poem about global warming.

  Rodrick’s band was the last act to take the stage.

  "Hi, Dad!"

  197

  Before the show, Rodrick asked me to videotape his

  band during their act, but I told him no way.

  He’s been such a jerk to me lately that I can’t

  believe he was trying to hit me up for a favor. So

  Mom volunteered for camera duty.

  Rodrick’s band got paired up with Harry Gilbertson,

  the roller-skating kid. And I’m sure Rodrick wasn’t

  too happy about that.

  I noticed Dad wasn’t sitting next to me while

  Rodrick’s band played, so I looked around for him.

  Who's ready to

  rrrrrocccckkkkk?

  I am!

  198

  Dad was standing in the back of the gym with

  cotton balls sticking out of his ears, and he stayed

  there until the song was over.

  After Rodrick’s band performed, they handed out

  the awards. Rodrick’s band didn’t win anything,

  but Harry Gilbertson walked away with the prize

  for “Best Musical Act.”

  199

  But you’ll never guess who the Grand Prize Winner

  was: Rowley’s babysitter, Leland.

  He won for his ventriloquist act, because the judges

  said it was “wholesome.”

  I never thought I’d agree with Rodrick on

  anything, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe

  he was right about Leland being a nerd after all.

  After the show, Rodrick’s band came back to our

  house to watch the videotape of their performance.

  They were all grumbling about how they got

  “robbed,” and how the judges don’t know the first

  thing about rock and roll.

  Hey, who's

  the dummy

  here?

  200

  So their plan was to just mail the videotape off

  to some record labels and let their performance

  speak for itself.

  They all sat down in front of the tv and

  Rodrick put the tape in the machine. But it took

  about thirty seconds for everyone to realize the

  tape was worthless.

  You know how Rodrick asked Mom to videotape the

  show? Well, she did a pretty good job of filming, but

  she talked nonstop during the first two minutes. And

  the camera picked up every little comment she made.

  That shirt makes

  Rodrick's arms look

  so skinny!

  201

  Every time Bill stuck out his tongue and flicked it

  up and down like a rock star, you could hear Mom

  ring in with her opinion.

  In fact, the only time Mom stopped talking was

  when Rodrick did his drum solo. But during that

  part, the camera was shaking around so much that

  you couldn’t even see anything.

  At first, Rodrick and his bandmates were really

  mad. But then one of them remembered that the

  school taped the Talent Show, and it’s supposed to

  be on the local cable channel tomorrow night.

  I guess that means they’ll all be coming back over

  to watch that.

  I don't

  like that!

  202

  Thursday

  Well, things have gotten really bad for me in

  the last few hours.

  Rodrick and his bandmates came over around 7:00

  tonight to watch the Talent Show on tv. They

  sat through the whole three-hour show until their

  band came on.

  The school actually did a decent job of taping the

  performance, and things were looking pretty good

  up until Rodrick’s drum solo.

  That’s when Mom started dancing. And whoever was

  doing the filming zoomed right in on Mom, and kept

  the camera pointed at her for the rest of the song.

  snap

  snap

  203

  That meant Rodrick didn’t have anything he

  could send to record companies. And he was really

  mad about it, too.

  At first he was mad at Mom for messing things up.

  But Mom said that if Rodrick didn’t want people to

  dance, he shouldn’t play music.

  Then Rodrick turned on me. He said this was all

  my fault, because if I just taped the show like he

  asked me to, none of this would’ve happened.

  But I told him that maybe if he wasn’t such a

  jerk, I would have done it for him.

  We started to yell at each other. Mom and Dad

  broke us up, and then they sent Rodrick down to

  his room and me up to mine.

  204

  But a couple of hours later I went downstairs,

  and I ran into Rodrick in the kitchen. He was

  smiling, so I knew something was up.

  Rodrick told me my “secret was out.”

  At first, I didn’t know what he was talking

  about. But then I got it: He was talking about

  the thing that happened to me this summer.

  I ran down to the basement, and I picked up

  Rodrick’s phone to see if he had made any

  calls. And sure enough, it looked like he had

&n
bsp; called every friend of his who had a brother

  or sister my age.

  By tomorrow morning, everyone at my

  school will know the story. And I’m sure Rodrick

  exaggerated the facts to make the story sound

  even worse.

  205

  Now that my secret’s out there, I want to put

  on record what really happened, and not

  Rodrick’s twisted version.

  So here it goes.

  Over the summer, me and Rodrick had to stay

  with Grandpa at his condo in Leisure Towers for

  a few days. But there was nothing to do,

  and I was going bonkers.

  I was so bored, I broke out my old journal and

  started to write in it. But taking out a book

  that said “diary” on the cover in front of

  Rodrick was a huge mistake.

  ha!

  swipe

  206

  Rodrick stole my journal and made a run for it.

  He probably would have made it into the bathroom

  and locked the door if someone hadn’t left

  Gutbusters sitting out.

  I scooped the book off the floor and ran out

  into the hallway and down the stairwell. Then,

  I ducked into the bathroom in the main lobby

  and locked myself in a stall.

  I kept my feet off the floor so that if Rodrick

  came in, he wouldn’t know I was in there.

  I knew that if Rodrick got ahold of my journal, it

  would be a nightmare. So I decided to just rip the

  whole thing into tiny little pieces and flush them

  down the toilet. It was better to just destroy the

  thing than risk Rodrick getting his hands on it.

  GAAAH!

  trip

  207

  But as soon as I started ripping pages out of the

  book, I heard the bathroom door open. I thought

  it was Rodrick, so I just stayed completely still.

  I didn’t hear anything, so I peeked over the top

  of the stall to see what was going on. That’s when

  I saw a woman standing in front of the mirror,

  putting on makeup.

  I figured the lady just accidentally wandered into

  the men’s room, because people at Leisure Towers are

  always doing stuff like that.

  208

  I was about to speak up and tell this lady she

  was in the wrong bathroom, but right then

  someone else walked in. And guess what? It was

  another woman.

  That’s when I realized that I was the one who

  messed up, and I was in the women’s bathroom.

  I prayed that those ladies would just wash their

  hands and leave so I could make a run for it.

  But they sat down in the stalls on either side of me.

  And every time one woman would leave the bathroom,

  someone else would come in and take their place.

  So I couldn’t leave.

  209

  If Rowley thinks he had it bad when those kids

  made him eat the Cheese, he should try being

  stuck in the Leisure Towers ladies’ room for an

  hour and a half.

  I guess someone eventually heard me in there, and

  they reported me to the front desk. Within a few

  minutes, word got around the building that there

  was a “Peeping Tom” in the women’s room.

  By the time security came in and got me out of

  there, everyone who lived in Leisure Towers was

  down in the lobby. And Rodrick saw the whole

  thing unfold upstairs on Grandpa’s tv.

  210

  Now that the story was out, I knew I couldn’t

  show my face at school. So I told Mom she was

  gonna have to transfer me somewhere else, and

  I told her why.

  Mom said I shouldn’t worry about what other

  people think. She told me that my classmates

  would understand that I had just made an

  “honest mistake.”

  So that just proves once and for all that Mom

  doesn’t understand a thing about kids my age.

  Now I’m kicking myself for not keeping up my

  pen-pal relationship with Mamadou. Because if me

  and him had stayed in touch, maybe I could have

  gone to France as an exchange student and hid

  out there for a few years.

  211

  All I know is, the one place I don’t want to

  go tomorrow is school. And it looks like that’s

  exactly where I’m headed.

  Friday

  The craziest thing happened today. When I

  walked in the door at school, a bunch of guys cornered

  me, and I braced myself for the teasing to start.

  But instead of harassing me, they started

  congratulating me.

  comment

  allez-

  vous?

  yeah,

  whatever!

  Everyone was shaking my hand and patting me on

  the back, and I didn’t know what was going on.

  With all those guys talking to me at the same

  time, it took me a while to make sense of anything.

  But here’s what must have happened.

  The story Rodrick told his friends got passed on

  to their brothers and sisters, and then they

  told their friends.

  But by the time word spread around, all the

  details got totally messed up.

  So the story went from me accidentally walking

  into the women’s bathroom at Leisure Towers to

  me infiltrating the girls’ locker room at Crossland

  high school.

  213

  I couldn’t believe everything got twisted like

  that, but I wasn’t about to set the record

  straight, either.

  All of the sudden, I was the hero at school. I

  even got a nickname. People were calling me the

  “Stealthinator.”

  Someone even made me a Stealthinator headband,

  and you better believe I wore it. Things like this

  never happen to me, so I wasn’t gonna pass

  up my moment of glory.

  snap

  214

  And for the first time ever, I knew what it

  felt like to be the most popular kid at school.

  Unfortunately, the girls weren’t as impressed

  with me as the guys were. In fact, I think I

  might have a little trouble getting someone to go

  to the Valentine’s Dance with me.

  smack

  you're

  disgusting!

  215

  Monday

  You know how Rodrick wanted his band to get

  noticed? Well, he kind of got his wish, because

  everybody knows who Löded Diper is now.

  I guess somebody must have thought the tape of

  Mom cutting loose at the Talent Show was pretty

  funny, because it’s all over the Internet. And

  now everyone knows Rodrick Heffley as the drummer

  from the “Dancing Mom” video.

  Ever since, Rodrick’s been hiding out in the

  basement, waiting for the whole thing to blow

  over. And I have to admit, I do feel kind of

  sorry for him.

  I’m getting teased about the video at school,

  too, but at least I’m not in it.

  216

  And even though Rodrick can be a huge jerk

  sometimes, he is my brother.

  Tomorrow is the Science Fair, and if Rodric
k doesn’t

  turn in a project, he’s gonna flunk out of school.

  So that’s why I offered to help him out with his

  project, but just this one last time. We worked

  together all night, and I don’t mean to brag,

  but we did a really good job.

  Anyway, when Rodrick gets First Prize tomorrow

  and passes Science, I just hope he realizes how

  lucky he is to have a brother like me.

  Do plants sneeze?

  hypothesis

  experiment

  conclusion

  plants

  probably

  sneeze.

  feathers

  pepper

  feet

  Plants

  don't

  sneeze.