Rodrick Rules (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 2) Read online

  he got Rodrick’s movie instead.

  I came across a couple of Manny’s drawings

  after that, and some of them were enough to

  give me nightmares.

  Scream!

  Chomp!

  171

  Tuesday

  Mom and Dad set up due dates for Rodrick on his

  Science Fair project, and by 6:00 tonight, he was

  supposed to tell them the theme of his experiment.

  But at 6:45, things weren’t looking so good.

  Rodrick was watching a show about astronauts,

  and what happens to them after they’ve been up

  in space for a long time. The show said that

  when the astronauts get back to Earth, they’re

  actually taller than when they left.

  And the reason is because there’s no gravity in

  space, so their spines decompress or something.

  Well, that gave Rodrick the idea he was looking for.

  172

  Rodrick told Mom and Dad he was going to do

  his science experiment on the effect of “zero

  gravity” on the human spine. And from the way

  Rodrick was talking it up, you’d think the results

  of his experiment were gonna benefit mankind.

  Dad seemed pretty impressed. Or maybe he was

  just relieved that Rodrick actually came through on

  his first task. But I think Dad started to see

  things a little different later on when he told

  Rodrick to take the trash out to the curb.

  I can't. I'm

  doing my

  research.

  173

  Wednesday

  Yesterday at school, they announced tryouts for

  the big Winter Talent Show.

  As soon as I found out about it, I came up

  with this awesome idea for a comedy skit

  that me and Rowley could do. But I admit the

  real reason I wrote it was to give myself an

  excuse to talk to Holly Hills, who is Heather Hills’s

  sister and the most popular girl in my grade.

  The boy whose

  family thinks

  he's a dog

  look, honey!

  our dog is

  standing on

  its hind legs!

  I am a

  person

  not a

  dog!

  Hey, you're not

  supposed to be

  up on the couch,

  you dumb mutt!

  But I'm not

  a dog, I'm

  your son!

  Don't you

  growl at

  me!

  We're off on a

  romantic vacation.

  I guess we'll have

  to put you in

  the kennel!

  But I want

  to go

  with you

  guys!

  Well,

  woof

  woof

  woof to

  you, too!

  The End

  I showed Rowley the script, but he wasn’t too

  enthusiastic about the idea.

  You’d think Rowley would be grateful that I

  was gonna make him a big star. But like Mom

  always says, there are some people you just

  can’t please.

  Credits

  writer - Greg Heffley

  Director - Greg Heffley

  Dad - Greg Heffley

  Mom - Holly Hills

  Dog-boy - Rowley Jefferson

  shove

  176

  Thursday

  Rowley went and found someone else to partner

  with for the Talent Show. He’s gonna do a magic

  act with this kid from his karate class named

  Scotty Douglas.

  And if you want to know if I’m jealous, let me

  put it to you this way: Scotty Douglas is in the

  first grade. So Rowley will be lucky if he

  doesn’t get beat up at school for this.

  They’re having one big Talent Show for the

  elementary school, the middle school, and the

  high school. So that means Rodrick and his

  band are gonna be in the same competition as

  Rowley and Scotty Douglas.

  Rodrick’s all fired up about the Talent Show.

  His band has never played in front of a crowd,

  so they see this as their big chance to get noticed.

  177

  Rodrick is still grounded, but the rule is that he’s

  not allowed to leave the house. So his band just

  comes over every day and practices down in the

  basement. I think Dad’s starting to wish he had

  worded Rodrick’s punishment a little differently.

  But if Rodrick’s band really thinks they can win

  this Talent Show, they better get serious and

  play some actual music. Because they spent their

  last two practices fooling around with a new echo

  pedal they got over the weekend.

  Ba-dum bum

  crash bam

  somebody

  farted farted

  farted farted

  farted

  178

  Friday

  Dad ended Rodrick’s punishment two weeks early,

  because he was going bonkers listening to Löded

  Diper practice every day. So tonight, Rodrick

  went to his friend Ward’s for the weekend.

  With Rodrick out of the house, that meant the

  basement was free. So I invited Rowley over to

  spend the night.

  Me and Rowley bought a bunch of candy and

  soda, and Rowley brought over his portable tv.

  We even managed to get our hands on a couple of

  Rodrick’s horror movies, so we were all set. But

  then Mom came downstairs with Manny.

  look who

  came to

  join

  you!

  179

  The only reason Mom dumped Manny on us was

  so he could spy and tell her if we were doing

  anything wrong.

  Every single time I’ve had a sleepover, Manny

  has ruined it. The last time Rowley slept over

  was the worst.

  Manny must’ve gotten cold in the middle of the

  night, so he crawled into Rowley’s sleeping bag

  to get warm.

  That freaked Rowley out enough to make him go

  home early. And he hasn’t been back to spend

  the night ever since.

  scream

  180

  It looked like Manny was gonna ruin another

  sleepover. Me and Rowley couldn’t watch our horror

  movies with Manny around, so we decided to just

  play board games instead.

  But I’m a little sick of board games, and

  besides, Rowley was kind of driving me crazy.

  He needed to go to the bathroom every five

  minutes, and whenever he’d come back downstairs,

  he’d kick a pillow across the room.

  It might have been funny the first couple of times,

  but then it really started getting on my nerves. So

  the next time Rowley went upstairs to use the

  bathroom, I played a prank on him.

  booh-yah!

  kick

  181

  I put one of Dad’s dumbbells underneath a pillow.

  And sure enough, the next time Rowley came

  downstairs, he gave it a big kick.

  Well, that did it. Rowley started blubbering like

  a baby, and I couldn’t quiet him down.

  And with all the racket Rowley was making, Mom

  ca
me downstairs.

  Mom took a look at Rowley’s big toe, and she

  seemed pretty concerned. I think Mom’s

  sensitive about Rowley getting injured in our

  house after the tinfoil ball incident, so she

  drove him right home.

  I was just glad she didn’t ask us how it happened.

  182

  As soon as Mom and Rowley walked out the door,

  I knew I’d better start working on Manny.

  Manny saw me put that dumbbell under the pillow,

  and I knew he would tell Mom what I did. So I

  came up with an idea to keep him from snitching.

  I packed some bags and told Manny I was

  gonna run away from home so I didn’t have to

  face Mom for what I did.

  Then I walked out the door and acted like I

  was leaving for good.

  Good-bye,

  oh, family.

  good-bye

  good-bye

  good-bye!

  183

  I got that idea from Rodrick. He used to pull

  the same kind of thing on me when he did

  something bad and he knew I was gonna tell on

  him. He would act like he was running away,

  and then five minutes later, he would just walk

  back inside.

  And by that time, I was ready to forgive him

  for whatever he did.

  So after I told Manny I was leaving home, I

  shut the door and waited outside for a few minutes.

  And when I opened the door, I expected to find

  him crying in the foyer. But Manny wasn’t where

  I left him. I started walking around the house

  looking for him, and guess where he was?

  184

  Down in the basement, eating my candy.

  Anyway, if letting Manny eat my candy is the

  price I have to pay to keep him quiet, I can live

  with it.

  Saturday

  After I woke up this morning, I went down to

  the kitchen. But one look at Mom’s face told me

  that Manny sold me out.

  gobble

  smack

  185

  Manny told Mom everything. He even told her

  about our horror movies. Don’t even ask me how

  he knew about that.

  Mom made me call Rowley to apologize, but then

  she made me talk to his parents and apologize to

  them, too. So I don’t think I’m going to get

  invited back over to Rowley’s house any time soon.

  Then Mom got on the phone with Mrs. Jefferson.

  Mrs. Jefferson said Rowley’s big toe was broken,

  and that he had to stay off it for a week.

  Then Mrs. Jefferson said Rowley is “heartbroken,”

  because this means he’ ll have to miss the Talent

  Show tryouts. And he’s been practicing his magic

  act with Scotty Douglas all week.

  186

  So Mom told Mrs. Jefferson that I would be

  happy to fill in for Rowley at the tryouts. I

  started tugging at Mom’s sleeve to let her know

  this was a terrible idea, but of course she

  just ignored me.

  After Mom got off the phone, I told her the

  last thing I needed at school is to be onstage

  doing magic tricks with a kid who was in pull-ups

  a year ago.

  But Mom made me go through with it anyway.

  She took me down to Scotty’s house and

  explained the situation to his mother. So now

  there was no getting out of it.

  187

  Mrs. Douglas invited me inside, and me and

  Scotty went up to his room to start practicing.

  Well, the first thing I found out was that

  Rowley and Scotty were not equal partners in this

  act. Rowley was actually Scotty’s assistant.

  I told Scotty there was no way I was gonna

  be a magician’s assistant to a first-grader. But

  Scotty said it was his magic set, and he started

  throwing a big tantrum.

  So I just went along with the idea to keep

  Scotty quiet, because believe me, I did not need

  any more trouble.

  Then Scotty handed me this shirt that was covered

  with all these sparkly sequins, and he told me

  that it was my costume.

  188

  It looked like something Gramma would wear to

  Bingo. I told Scotty maybe I could wear something

  cooler, like a leather jacket, but he said that

  wouldn’t be “magic” enough.

  Anyway, it turns out all I have to do for the

  act is hand Scotty a prop every once in a while,

  so maybe it really isn’t going to be all that bad.

  But ask me how I feel again if we get in and

  have to perform onstage in front of five hundred

  people instead of Scotty’s baby sister.

  Sunday

  I’ll tell you one good thing that’s come out of

  practicing this magic act with Scotty Douglas:

  It’s given me a bunch of good ideas for more

  Creighton the Cretin comics.

  And for my

  next twick

  189

  Rowley quit doing his comic strip “Zoo-Wee

  Mama!” for the school paper a few months ago,

  because he said he wanted to have more time to

  play with his Dinoblazer action figures. That

  means the cartoonist job is open again, and

  maybe I have a shot.

  I'm gonna make this

  apple disappear

  oh

  boy!

  ta da!

  You didn't

  make it

  disappear, you

  just ate it!

  uh oh, you

  figured out

  my trick.

  You didn't

  even eat the

  whole thing!

  Ok, watch this,

  Now ain't

  that

  magic

  flick

  That's not

  magic, it's

  just a

  lighter!

  Oops. I

  thought it

  was magic.

  Boo! You're

  not a

  magician,

  you're an

  idiot!

  Plus, that's

  not even a

  magician's

  hat. It's an

  Abraham

  Lincoln

  hat!

  Oops.

  The

  End.

  190

  Monday

  Well, good news on the Talent Show. The tryouts

  were today, and me and Scotty didn’t make it in.

  OK, so maybe I could have done a better job as

  Scotty’s assistant. But I didn’t blow it on

  purpose. I just forgot to hand him his

  props once or twice.

  We were the only ones who didn’t make the

  cut, and that actually is kind of embarrassing.

  I know we weren’t exactly the best act trying

  out today, but we weren’t the worst, either.

  Some of the acts that got in were a lot lamer

  than our magic act.

  191

  This kindergartner named Harry Gilbertson made

  the cut, and all he did was roller-skate figure

  eights around a boom box that was playing

  “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”

  Rodrick’s band made it in, too, and he’s acting

  like that’s some huge accomplishment.

  Like I said befor
e, Rodrick is really excited

  about the Winter Talent Show. In fact, he

  actually got his Science Fair project done a day

  early so he could squeeze in some extra band

  practices before the big night.

  But when Rodrick turned in his project, his

  Science teacher told him he was gonna have to

  start over and come up with a whole new idea. He

  said that Rodrick didn’t use the “scientific method”

  with a hypothesis and a conclusion and all that.

  192

  Rodrick told the teacher he actually grew a

  sixteenth of an inch during his “zero gravity”

  experiment, so that proved he was on to something.

  But his teacher said that’s a normal amount for a

  boy Rodrick’s age to grow in a month.

  Well, this really stinks for me, because I had decided

  to do my Science Fair project on “zero gravity,” too.

  And now it looks like all the research I did was

  just a big waste of time.

  193

  Dad told Rodrick he’s going to have to just skip

  the Talent Show so he can do a new experiment,

  but Rodrick says he’s not going to do it.

  Rodrick told Dad he doesn’t care about school

  anymore. He said his plan is to win the talent

  show and use the tape of the performance to