Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 4) Read online

  wasn’t interested in conversation, but that didn’t

  work out so good, either.

  132

  hey, greg, where’d

  you get those

  cool shades?

  patrons

  must

  shower

  before

  entering

  pool

  Seriously, I wish those guys would just take a

  shower at home before they came to the pool.

  Because once you see somebody like that, you can

  never look at them the same way again.

  mind if i

  borrow

  this chair

  for a sec?

  squirt

  133

  After I got past the locker room, things didn’t

  get a whole lot better. The scene was just about

  how I remembered it, except more crowded. I

  guess everyone had the same idea to spend the

  Fourth at the pool.

  The only time the pool cleared out was when the

  lifeguard called a fifteen-minute rest break and all

  the kids had to get out of the water.

  I think the idea behind rest breaks is to give

  adults a little time to enjoy the pool, but I don’t

  know how they’re supposed to relax with three

  hundred kids waiting for the break to be over.

  134

  When I was younger I used to just go swim in

  the baby pool during the fifteen-minute rest

  break, but that was before I knew what went

  on in there.

  Mama, I’m

  Peeing!

  The only area of the pool that wasn't a complete

  madhouse was the deep end, and that's where the

  diving boards are. I haven't been in the deep end

  since I was eight years old, when Rodrick talked

  me into jumping off the high dive.

  135

  Rodrick was always trying to get me to jump off

  the high dive, but that tall ladder really scared

  me. He told me I needed to conquer my fears or

  I’d never become a man.

  Then one day Rodrick told me that there was a

  clown at the top of the diving board who was

  handing out free toys, and that got my attention.

  But by the time I realized Rodrick was full of

  baloney, it was too late.

  136

  Go!

  Shove

  Anyway, today Mom got everyone together to go

  to the picnic area because they were giving out

  free watermelon.

  But I’ve got a fear of watermelon, too. Rodrick

  is always telling me that if you eat the seeds,

  then a watermelon will grow in your stomach.

  chips

  137

  I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not, but

  school’s only a couple of months away, so I’m not

  willing to take the risk.

  When it started getting dark, everyone put their

  blankets out on the lawn to watch the fireworks

  display. We sat staring up at the sky for a long

  time, but nothing was happening.

  Then someone came on the loudspeaker and said

  that the show was canceled because someone left

  the fireworks out in the rain last night and they

  got soaked. Some little kids started to cry, so a

  couple of grown-ups tried to create their own

  fireworks show.

  138

  Luckily, the fireworks display at the country club

  down the road started right about then. It was a

  little hard to see over the trees, but at that point

  I don’t think anyone really cared.

  ooooooooooh!

  aaaaaaaaah!

  139

  Tuesday

  This morning I was sitting at the kitchen table

  flipping through the comics, and I came across

  something that almost made me spit out my cereal.

  It was a two-page back-to-school ad, right where

  any kid could see it.

  back to school

  Blowout Sale!

  Save on: slacks, v-neck sweaters,

  dungarees, pleated skirts, vests, and

  much, much more!

  only at mortie’s!

  All Items

  50%

  OFF

  I can’t believe it’s actually legal to run a

  back-to-school ad two months before school

  starts. Anyone who would do that kind of thing

  must really not like kids.

  140

  I’m sure back-to-school ads are gonna start

  popping up all over the place now, and the next

  thing you know, Mom is gonna be telling me it’s

  time to go clothes shopping. And with Mom,

  that’s an all-day affair.

  These saddle

  shoes are

  on sale!

  changi

  room

  So I asked Mom if Dad could take me clothes

  shopping instead, and she said yes. I think

  she saw it as some kind of father-son bonding

  opportunity.

  But I told Dad he could just go without me and

  pick out whatever he wanted.

  141

  Well, that was a dumb move, because Dad did

  all of his shopping at the pharmacy.

  Assorted

  shirts

  3/$5

  laxatives

  snoring remedies

  I

  puppies

  Before I saw that ad, my day was bad enough

  already. It rained again this morning, so Sweetie

  tried to get under the covers with me after Dad

  took him out.

  I guess I must’ve been a little off my game,

  because the dog found a gap between the blanket

  and the bed and managed to get through.

  And let me tell you, there’s nothing more terrifying

  than being trapped under your covers wearing nothing

  but underwear with a wet dog crawling all over you.

  142

  shrieeekk!

  wriggle

  squirm

  I was stewing about the dog and that back-to-

  school ad when my whole day turned around. Mom

  had printed out some pictures from the Fourth,

  and she left them lying on the kitchen table.

  In one of the pictures you could see a lifeguard in

  the background. It was a little hard to tell, but

  I'm pretty sure the lifeguard was Heather Hills.

  143

  It was so crowded at the pool yesterday that I

  didn’t even notice the lifeguards. And if that really

  WAs Heather Hills, I can’t believe I missed her.

  Heather Hills is the sister of Holly Hills, who is one

  of the cutest girls in my class. But Heather’s in

  HIGH school, which is a whole different league

  than middle school.

  Holly

  hills

  Heather

  hills

  This Heather Hills thing is changing my whole

  perspective on the town pool. In fact, I’m

  starting to rethink my whole summeR. The dog

  has ruined all the fun of being at home, and I

  realized that if I don’t do something quick, I

  won’t have anything good to say about my vacation.

  144

  Bark

  bark

  bark

  Bark

  bark

  bark

  So starting tomorrow I’m gonna have a whole new

  attitude. A
nd hopefully by the time I get back

  to school, I’ll have a high school girlfriend, too.

  Wednesday

  Mom was really happy I was willing to go to the

  pool with her and Manny today, and she said she

  was proud I was finally putting my family in

  front of video games. I didn’t mention Heather

  Hills to Mom, because I don’t need her getting in

  the middle of my love life.

  Town

  pool

  145

  When we got there, I wanted to go straight to

  the pool area and see if Heather was on duty. But

  then I realized I'd better be prepared in case

  she was.

  So I made a pit stop in the bathroom and lathered

  myself in suntan oil. Then I did a bunch of push-ups

  and sit-ups to really make my muscles pop.

  I was probably in there for about fifteen minutes. I

  was checking myself out in the mirror when I heard

  someone in a stall clear his throat.

  Ahem.

  146

  Well, that was pretty embarrassing, because it

  meant whoever was in there could see me flexing in

  front of the mirror the whole time. And if that

  person was anything like me, he couldn’t go to

  the bathroom until he had complete privacy.

  I figured the person in the stall couldn’t see my

  face, so at least he didn’t know who I was. I

  was just about to slip out of the bathroom when

  I heard Mom at the front of the locker room.

  Greg? gregory

  heffley? are

  You still in

  there?

  Mom wanted to know what took me so long and

  why I looked so “shiny,” but I was already

  looking past her and scanning the lifeguard

  stands to see if Heather Hills was on deck.

  147

  And sure enough, she was. I went right over to

  her and parked myself underneath her chair.

  Every once in a while I’d say something witty,

  and I think I was definitely impressing her.

  I’d get Heather a new cup of water whenever it

  looked like she needed a refill, and every time some

  kid would do something wrong, I’d speak up so

  Heather didn’t have to.

  does mrs. arciaga

  really think it’s a

  good idea to wear a

  bikini when she’s

  eight months

  pregnant?

  148

  Whenever Heather’s shift ended, I’d follow her to

  her next station. Every fourth time, I’d end up

  in front of where Mom was sitting. And let me

  tell you, it’s not easy to be smooth when your

  mother is sitting five feet away.

  waalllkk!

  do you want me to

  get you something

  from the snack bar,

  honey bunches?

  149

  I just hope Heather knows that I would do

  ANYtHING for her. If she wants someone to

  put suntan lotion on her back or towel her off

  after she takes a dip in the pool, I’m the man

  for the job.

  I basically hung out with Heather until it was

  time to go. On my way home I was thinking

  that if the rest of my vacation goes like today,

  this WIll be the best summer ever, just like

  Mom predicted. In fact, the only thing that

  can ruin things now is that stupid muddy hand.

  I’m sure it’ll show up at the exact wrong moment

  and spoil everything.

  Greg heffley, do you

  take heather hills to

  be your lawfully

  wedded wife?

  Tap

  Tap

  150

  Wednesday

  I’ve been hanging out with Heather every single

  day for the past week.

  I realized my friends at school will never believe

  it when I tell them about me and Heather, so I

  asked Mom to take a picture of me standing next

  to the lifeguard chair.

  Mom didn’t have her camera, so she had to use her

  cell phone. But she couldn’t figure out how to take

  a picture with it, and I ended up standing there

  for a long time looking like a fool.

  press… the

  little…

  green…

  button!

  151

  I finally got Mom to press the right button to

  take a picture, but when she did, the camera was

  pointed the wrong way and she took a picture of

  herself. See, this is why I always say that

  technology is wasted on grown-ups.

  I got Mom to point the camera at me, but right at

  that moment her phone rang and she answered it.

  Hello? barbara? Is

  that really you?

  Mom talked for about five minutes, and by the

  time she was done, Heather was on to her next

  shift. But that didn’t stop Mom from taking the

  picture anyway.

  152

  snap

  Friday

  Relying on Mom for my ride to the pool is starting

  to become a problem. Mom doesn’t want to go to

  the pool every day, and when she Does go, she

  only stays a few hours.

  I like to be at the pool from the time it opens

  until the time it closes so I can maximize my

  time with Heather. I wasn’t about to ask

  Rodrick to drive me to the pool in his van

  because he always makes me sit in the back, and

  there are no seats.

  I realized I need my own transportation,

  and luckily I found a solution yesterday.

  153

  One of our neighbors left a bike out by the curb,

  and I took it before anyone else could.

  I rode the bike home and parked it in the

  garage. When Dad saw it, he said it was a “girl

  bike” and I should get rid of it.

  free

  bike

  But I’ll tell you at least two reasons a girl bike is

  better than a boy bike. Number one, girl bikes have

  big, cushiony seats, and that’s really important

  when you’re riding in your bathing suit.

  girl seat

  boy seat

  154

  And number two, girl bikes have those baskets on

  the handlebars, which are good for carrying your

  video games and suntan lotion. Plus, my bike came

  with a bell, and that ReAllY comes in handy.

  move along,

  people!

  ring

  ring

  Monday

  I guess I should’ve known that a bike that

  was left out with the trash wasn’t gonna last

  very long.

  I was riding home from the pool yesterday, and

  the bike started getting all wobbly. Then the

  front wheel popped right off. So today I had

  to ask Mom for a ride to the pool.

  155

  When we got there, Mom said I had to take

  Manny with me through the locker room. She said

  he’s getting too old to go through the women’s

  locker room with her, so I guess they must have

  the same shower situation in there as they do in

  the men’s locker room.

  town

  pool

  It should’ve taken about five seconds to get

&nb
sp; Manny from one end of the locker room to the

  other, but it took about ten minutes instead.

  Manny goes everywhere with Mom, so he had

  never actually BeeN in a men’s bathroom before.

  He was really curious and wanted to check everything

  out. At one point I had to stop him from washing

  his hands in the urinal because I guess he thought

  it was a sink.

  156

  scrub

  scrub

  I didn’t want Manny to have to walk through

  the shower area and see the things I’ve seen. So

  I got a towel out of my bag and was gonna put

  it over Manny’s eyes when we walked past the

  shower guys. But in the two seconds it took me to

  get my towel, Manny was gone. And you’ll never

  believe where he went.

  I knew I had to rescue Manny, so I closed my

  eyes as tight as I could and went in to save him.

  157

  I was really nervous about touching one of the

  shower guys, and for a second there I thought

  I did.

  shriek!

  I had to open my eyes to find Manny, and then I

  grabbed him and got out as fast as I could.

  When we got to the other side, Manny seemed

  fine, but I don't think I’ll ever totally recover

  from that experience.

  men

  gasp

  158

  I kind of staggered over to my spot underneath

  Heather’s lifeguard chair. Then I started taking

  deep breaths to calm myself down.

  Five minutes later some kid who must’ve eaten too

  much ice cream threw up behind Heather’s chair.

  Heather looked behind her, and then she looked

  down like she was waiting for me to do something.

  I guess the noble thing to do was to clean up the

  mess for Heather, but this was really beyond the

  call of duty.

  Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and

  I’ve realized that I need to let this summer romance

  cool off a little.

  159

  Plus, Heather’s going off to college next year, and

  those long-distance relationships never really seem