Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 4) Read online

  to work out.

  August

  Tuesday

  We ran into the Jeffersons at the supermarket

  today. Me and Rowley haven’t spoken to each

  other in over a month, so it was kind of awkward.

  160

  Mrs. Jefferson said they were buying groceries

  for their trip to the beach next week. That kind

  of irritated me because that’s where my family

  was supposed to go this summer. But then Mrs.

  Jefferson said something that really threw me

  for a loop.

  how would

  gregory like

  to join us?

  Mr. Jefferson didn’t look too thrilled with that

  idea, but before he could speak up Mom chimed in.

  why, gregory would

  love to!

  Something about the whole incident seemed a little

  fishy to me. I’m kind of wondering if it was a

  setup, with Mom and Mrs. Jefferson conspiring to

  get me and Rowley back together.

  Believe me, Rowley’s the last person I want

  to spend a week with. But then I realized if I

  went to the beach with the Jeffersons, I’d get

  to ride the Cranium Shaker. So maybe my summer

  won’t be such a bust after all.

  Monday

  I knew I made a mistake coming on this beach

  trip when I saw where we were staying.

  quiet

  cove

  My family always rents a condo in the high-rises

  right near the boardwalk, but the place where the

  Jeffersons are staying is a log cabin about five

  miles from the beach. We went inside the cabin,

  and there was no tv or computer or anything

  with a screen on it.

  I asked what we were supposed to do for

  entertainment, and Mrs. Jefferson said —

  you could

  read a book!

  163

  I thought that was a good one, and I was

  about to tell Rowley his mom was pretty funny.

  But she came back a second later with a bunch of

  reading material.

  So that just confirmed Mom was in on this

  plan from the beginning.

  All three Jeffersons read their books right up

  until it was time to eat. Dinner was ok, but

  dessert was awful. Mrs. Jefferson is one of

  those moms who sneaks healthy food into your

  snacks, and her brownies were full of spinach.

  I don’t think it’s a good idea to grind up vegetables

  and put them in kids’ desserts, because then they

  don’t know what the real thing is supposed to

  taste like.

  Plants

  164

  The first time Rowley had a regular brownie was

  at my house, and believe me, it wasn’t pretty.

  fpoo!

  After dinner Mrs. Jefferson called us all into the

  living room to play games. I was hoping we were

  gonna play something normal like cards, but the

  Jeffersons have their own idea of fun.

  The Jeffersons played a game called “I Love You

  Because,” and when it was my turn, I passed.

  i love you because

  you’re silly and

  you make me laugh!

  Then we played charades, and when it was Rowley’s

  turn, he was a dog.

  a cute,

  adorable

  boy?

  an awesome,

  friendly kid?

  ruff

  ruff

  ruff!

  At about 9:00 Mr. Jefferson told us it was time

  for bed. That’s when I found out the sleeping

  situation at the Jeffersons’ cabin was worse than

  the entertainment situation.

  166

  There was only one bed, so I told Rowley we could

  make a deal: We’d flip a coin, and one guy would get

  the bed and the other would sleep on the floor.

  But Rowley took a look at the crusty shag carpet

  and decided he didn’t want to risk it. I decided I

  wasn’t willing to sleep on the floor, either. So I

  got into bed with Rowley and just stayed as far

  away from him as possible.

  zzzzzzz

  Rowley started snoring right away, but I was

  having trouble falling asleep with half my body

  hanging off the bed. I was finally starting to

  drift off when Rowley let out a scream like he was

  being attacked.

  167

  For a second there I thought the muddy hand

  had finally caught up with us.

  scream!

  Rowley’s parents came running in to see what

  happened.

  pant,

  pant

  Rowley said he had a nightmare that there was a

  chicken hiding underneath him.

  168

  So Rowley’s parents spent the next twenty minutes

  trying to calm him down and telling him it was just

  a bad dream and there really was no chicken.

  (sniff)

  really?

  Nobody bothered to check on how I was doing

  after falling off the bed onto my face.

  Rowley spent the rest of the night sleeping in his

  parent’ room, which was fine with me. Because

  without Rowley and his chicken dreams to keep me

  awake, I was able to get a good night’s sleep.

  Wednesday

  I’ve been stuck inside this cabin for three days

  now, and I’m really starting to lose my mind.

  169

  I’ve been trying to get Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson

  to take us to the boardwalk, but they say it’s too

  “noisy” there.

  I’ve never gone this long without tv or computers

  or video games, and I’m starting to feel kind of

  desperate. When Mr. Jefferson works late at night

  on his laptop, I sneak downstairs and watch him

  just to get a glimpse of the outside world.

  tap

  tap

  I’ve tried to get Mr. Jefferson to let me use

  his laptop a couple of times, but he says it’s his

  “work computer” and he doesn’t want me to mess

  anything up. Last night I was at my breaking

  point, so I did something a little risky.

  170

  When Mr. Jefferson got up to use the bathroom,

  I jumped at my chance.

  I rattled off an e-mail to Mom as quick as I

  could, then ran upstairs and got into bed.

  TO: Heffley, Susan

  SUBJECT: SOS

  HELP HELP GET ME OUT OF HERE THESE

  PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY

  Tappity

  tap

  tap

  When I came downstairs for breakfast this morning,

  Mr. Jefferson didn’t look too happy to see me.

  171

  It turns out that I sent that e-mail from Mr.

  Jefferson’s work account, and Mom answered back.

  TO: Jefferson, Robert

  SUBJECT: RE: SOS

  Family vacations can be a challenge!

  Is Gregory not behaving himself?

  - Susan

  I thought Mr. Jefferson was gonna really let me

  have it, but he didn’t say anything at all. Then

  Mrs. Jefferson said maybe we could go to the

  boardwalk later on this afternoon and spend an

  hour or two there.

  Well, that’s all I was ever asking for. A few

&nbs
p; hours is all I really need.

  172

  If I can just ride the Cranium Shaker once, I’ll

  feel like this trip wasn’t a total waste of time.

  Friday

  I’m back home from the beach two days early, and

  if you wanna know the reason why, it’s kind of a

  long story.

  The Jeffersons took me and Rowley to the

  boardwalk yesterday afternoon. I wanted to go

  on the Cranium Shaker right away, but the line

  was too long, so we decided to get some food and

  come back later.

  We got some ice cream, but Mrs. Jefferson only

  ordered one cone for the four of us to share.

  want a

  lick?

  173

  Mom gave me thirty dollars to spend at the

  beach, and I blew twenty of it on this one

  carnival game.

  I was trying to win a giant stuffed caterpillar,

  but I think they have those games rigged so

  you can't succeed.

  jumbo

  mini

  doink

  toss

  3 rings

  for a

  dollar

  Rowley watched me blow my twenty dollars, and

  then he asked his dad to buy him the exact

  same giant caterpillar at a shop next door. And

  the thing that really stinks is that it only cost

  him ten bucks.

  174

  yaaay!

  I think Mr. Jefferson is making a big mistake

  with a move like that. Now Rowley feels like a

  winner even though he isn’t.

  I’ve had my own experience with that sort of

  thing. Last year when I was on the swim team,

  they had this special swim meet I got invited to

  on a Sunday.

  champions swim meet

  When I showed up, I realized none of the

  GooD swimmers were there. It was only the

  kids who had never won a ribbon before.

  At first I was pretty happy, because I thought

  I might actually WIN something for once.

  I still didn’t do well, though. My event was the

  100-meter freestyle, and I got so pooped that

  I had to WAlk the last lap.

  wheeze!

  splash

  sploosh

  But the judges didn’t disqualify me. And at the

  end of the night, I got a first-place ribbon,

  which my parents handed to me.

  176

  In fact, everyone walked away with first-place

  ribbons, even Tommy Lam, who got turned around in

  the backstroke and swam the wrong way.

  you are

  a

  winner

  to us!

  When I got home, I was confused. But then

  Rodrick saw me with my first-place Champions

  ribbon, and he gave me the scoop.

  Rodrick told me the Champions meet is just a

  scam put on by parents to make their kids feel

  like winners.

  177

  I guess parents think they’re doing their kids a

  favor by going through with all that, but if you

  ask me, I think it just causes more problems down

  the road.

  I remember when I used to be on the tee-ball

  team and everyone would cheer even when I struck

  out. Then the next year, in junior baseball, all my

  teammates and the other parents would boo me off

  the field if I dropped a pop fly or something.

  All I’m saying is, if Rowley’s parents wanna make

  him feel good about himself, they can’t do it now

  when he’s a kid and then walk away. They’ve gotta

  stick with him all the way through.

  good job,

  rowley!

  reaaally?

  178

  After the caterpillar thing we just walked up and

  down the boardwalk, waiting for the line for the

  Cranium Shaker to go down. Then I saw something

  that got my attention.

  It was that girl from Rodrick’s keychain picture.

  But here’s the thing: She wasn’t a real person.

  She was a CARDBoARD Cutout.

  souvenir

  keychain

  photos

  $5

  I felt like an idiot for ever thinking that she was

  a real girl. Then I realized I could buy my OWN

  keychain picture and impress all the guys at school.

  I might even be able to make some money by

  charging them to look at it.

  179

  I paid my five bucks and posed for my photo.

  Unfortunately, the Jeffersons got into the picture

  WItH me, so now my souvenir keychain is pretty

  much worthless.

  I was really mad, but I forgot all about it when

  I saw that the line for the Cranium Shaker was

  down to a few people. I ran over to the ride and

  used my last five dollars to pay for a ticket.

  I thought Rowley was right behind me, but he

  was hanging back about ten feet. I guess he was

  too scared to go on.

  180

  $5 per

  ride

  I was starting to have second thoughts myself,

  but it was too late. After the ride operator

  strapped me in, he locked the cage and I knew

  there was no turning back.

  click

  Well, I wish I had spent more time watching what

  the Cranium Shaker actually DID to a person,

  because I never would’ve gotten on if I had.

  181

  It flips you upside down about a million times and

  then throws you toward the ground so your face is

  about six inches from the pavement. Then it sends

  you spinning backward up to the sky again.

  And the whole time the cage you're in is creaking,

  and all the bolts look like they're about to come

  loose. I tried to get someone to stop the ride,

  but nobody could hear me over the pounding heavy

  metal music.

  screech!

  Cranium shaker

  182

  It was the most nauseous I’ve ever felt in my life.

  And when I say that, I mean even more than

  after I had to get Manny out of the shower area

  at the town pool. If this is what it takes to be a

  ”man,“ I am definitely not ready yet.

  When the ride finally ended, I could barely walk.

  So I sat down on a bench and waited for the

  boardwalk to stop spinning.

  I stayed there a long time and focused on trying

  not to throw up, while Rowley rode some rides

  that were more his speed.

  wheee!

  bump

  183

  After Rowley was done with his kiddie rides, his

  dad bought him a boppy balloon and a shirt from

  the souvenir shop.

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM

  SHAKER

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM

  SHAKER

  A half hour later I was finally ready to try

  standing up and walking around again. But when

  I got on my feet, Mr. Jefferson said it was

  time to go.

  I asked him if we could just play a few games in

  the arcade, and he said ok even though he didn’t

  seem happy about it.

  I had spent all the money Mom gave me, so I told

  Mr. Jeffe
rson twenty dollars would probably do it.

  But all he was willing to offer me was a dollar.

  184

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM

  SHAKER

  I think the arcade was too loud for Mr. and Mrs.

  Jefferson, so they didn't want to go inside. They

  told us to go in by ourselves and meet them outside

  in ten minutes.

  I went to the back of the arcade, where they

  have this game called Thunder Volt. I spent about

  fifty dollars on that game last year, and I got

  the high score. I wanted Rowley to see my name

  at the top of the list, because I wanted to show

  him what it was like to win something without it

  being handed to you.

  SHOCKER

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM

  SHAKER

  FROGGIE

  THUNDER

  VOLT

  THUNDER

  VOLT

  185

  Well, my name was still at the top of the list, but

  the person who got the next highest score

  must’ve been jealous they couldn’t beat me.

  I unplugged the machine to try and wipe out the

  high scores, but they were burned into the screen

  permanently.

  I was gonna just spend our money on some other

  game, but then I remembered a trick Rodrick

  told me about, and I realized we could make the

  dollar last a lot longer.

  186

  Me and Rowley walked outside and went underneath

  the boardwalk. Then I slipped the dollar bill up

  between the planks of wood and waited for our

  first victim.

  Eventually, a teenager spotted the dollar sticking

  out of the boardwalk.

  SCORE!

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM

  SHAKER

  When he went to grab it, I pulled the dollar bill

  through the slat at the last second.

  187

  I have to hand it to Rodrick, because this was

  actually a lot of fun.

  THWIP

  YANK

  I SURVIVED

  THE

  CRANIUM