The Ugly Truth (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 5) Read online

  having the same problem as me.

  great

  george.

  I couldn’t use the same word as George or people

  would think I was copying him.

  138

  So I sat there for a while trying to think of

  another good “G” word, but everyone was staring

  at me and my mind just went blank.

  Then Mrs. Libby chimed in to try and bail me out.

  jolly

  greg!

  Everyone seemed pretty happy with that, even

  though “Jolly” doesn’t start with the letter “G.”

  And it makes you wonder about our education

  system, especially since Mrs. Libby is the eighth-

  grade honors English teacher.

  I thought “Jolly Greg” was a TERRIBLE

  nickname, but before I could come up with

  something better, the person to my left went,

  and it was too late.

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  So now I was stuck with a stupid nickname for

  the rest of the night, and probably until I go

  off to college.

  After that, we played a game called “I Never

  Told Anyone This Before,” where we had to tell

  everyone a secret. Mrs. Carr said the game would

  help us “bond” with one another, but I think the

  REAL purpose was to let the chaperones know

  who the troublemakers were.

  HELLO

  my name is

  Jolly Greg

  i was the one who

  spray painted a bad

  word on the front

  of the school!

  scribble

  scribble

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  My theory was proven right later on when Teddy

  Caldwell went down the hall to the bathroom and

  a chaperone trailed him.

  We played a few more icebreakers, but nobody

  could concentrate, because every five seconds one

  of the cell phones in the electronics bag would

  start buzzing or ringing. Then Mr. Tanner would

  fish through the bag and try to find the phone

  that was ringing so he could shut it off.

  buzz

  ring

  ring

  boys

  subject approaching

  the corridor-three

  boys’ bathroom.

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  Eventually he just gave up and locked the bag in

  the teachers’ lounge.

  After the games were over, we had a fifteen-

  minute rest break before our next activity. A

  few of us had brought snacks, but there was a

  strict no-snack policy, and we had to eat them

  undercover.

  shake

  shake

  chew

  chew

  chew

  chew

  The chaperones seemed to know EXACTLY who

  had the snacks, and they confiscated about 95%

  of them. Mr. Farley even found my cherry sour

  balls, which were hidden in my pillowcase.

  We finally realized that a mole was ratting us out.

  It was Justin Spitzer, and he was being paid off

  with the snacks the adults collected.

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  The only kid who still had junk food was Jeffrey

  Chang, who had a huge bag of cheese puffs. I

  think Jeffrey knew it was just a matter of time

  before he was caught, so he locked himself in the

  boys’ bathroom and tried to enjoy his snack. But

  the adults figured out what was going on, and

  Jeffrey panicked and got rid of the evidence.

  we know

  you’re in

  there!

  pound

  pound

  shake

  shake

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  After our break we got back into the circle, and

  Mrs. Dean told us we were gonna play a new game

  called “Guess Who?” Then she split us up into ten

  teams. I was on Team Three with George Fleer,

  Tyson Sanders, and a few other kids.

  I was just glad I didn’t have to be on the same

  team as Rowley, because that would’ve been totally

  uncomfortable.

  Here’s how the game worked: Each team had to

  go into another room and take a picture of one of

  its members. But the picture had to be a close-up,

  like of an ear or a nose or a hand or something

  like that. Then each team would bring their

  picture to the library, and the other teams would

  have to guess who was in the picture.

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  Then Mrs. Dean said the winning team would

  get ice cream sandwiches from the freezer in the

  cafeteria. I have to admit, it sounded like a fun

  game. But when she handed out the cameras,

  there was practically a riot, since it had been

  almost two hours since any of us had access to any

  kind of technology.

  Then we found out they were those old-fashioned

  instant cameras that develop your pictures right

  away, and everyone was a little disappointed,

  because those kinds don’t have a screen or anything.

  insta-shot

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  Our team went down to the science lab, where we

  could take our photo in private. The first thing

  we had to do was figure out who was gonna be in

  the picture.

  George Fleer said we should take a picture of his

  belly button. But everybody thought that would

  be too obvious because George has a serious outie,

  and all the other groups would know EXACTLY

  who it was.

  We tried taking pictures of different kids in our

  group, but most of them were too obvious.

  Nicky Wood wanted the picture to be of him, but

  he’s totally covered in freckles and we couldn’t

  find a single part of him that wouldn’t be a dead

  giveaway.

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  We took a picture of Christopher Brownfield’s

  back, but we caught one of the Team Four kids

  spying on us and we had to pick someone else.

  HEY!

  We took a bunch of pictures of Tyson Sanders,

  but the best one was of his bent arm.

  FLASH

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  You couldn’t even tell what the picture was of, so

  that’s the one we went with.

  When all the teams got back together in the

  library, we put our picture up on the wall with

  everybody else’s. And as soon as we saw the other

  pictures, we knew we were gonna win.

  SMACK

  Some of the pictures were so easy to identify that

  it was actually kind of pathetic.

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  In fact, don’t even ask me what the people on

  Rowley’s team were thinking.

  We were eager to get on with the guessing part

  of the game, since we knew nobody would be able to

  figure out who was in our picture. But Mr. Tanner

  just stood there looking at our photograph.

  hmm…

  149

  Then Mr. Tanner said that he didn’t appreciate

  Team Three’s “juvenile stunt” and that we were

  disqualified from the competition.

  We all looked at one another, trying to figure

  out what the heck Mr. Tanner was talking about.

  But Mrs. Dean was mad, too. She said it was

  completely inappropriate to take a picture of />
  someone’s “posterior.”

  No one on my team knew what “posterior” meant,

  but luckily we were in the library, so we looked

  it up in the dictionary. And you’ll never believe

  this, but it means “butt.” In fact, we found out

  that there are about a million OTHER words for

  “butt,” too.

  hee hee hee hee!

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  But the teachers were MAD. They actually

  thought we took a picture of somebody’s butt, and

  I guess if you held the picture at a certain angle,

  you could see how a person could make a mistake

  like that.

  Mr. Tanner said he was gonna call our parents

  and tell them to come take us home, and he said

  that the kid whose butt was in the picture was

  gonna be in REALLY big trouble.

  I knew that if Mr. Tanner called my parents

  at 11:00 at night, they were not gonna be

  happy, and I could tell a lot of the other kids

  on my team were thinking the same thing. Then

  George Fleer made a run for it, which kind of put

  everyone into a panic.

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  So the rest of us ran, too.

  It was every man for himself, and I ended up

  hiding in the music room with Tyson Sanders. We

  shut the lights off so nobody would come looking

  for us there.

  hey!

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  Tyson was really worried that the teachers were

  gonna do a butt lineup to try and match the

  picture to the right kid. But I told Tyson he

  didn’t have anything to worry about, because he

  pulls his pants all the way down when he uses the

  urinal, so everyone already knows what his butt

  looks like.

  Me and Tyson were in the music room for a long

  time, but we were finally caught by a couple of

  teachers who used Justin Spitzer to sniff us out.

  The chaperones brought us down to the library,

  where all the other Team Three members were

  already rounded up.

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  Well, everyone except Christopher Brownfield,

  who for all I know is still hiding behind the soda

  machine on the second floor.

  Tyson told Mr. Tanner that the picture was of

  his arm. Luckily, there’s a mole near Tyson’s elbow

  that matched up with the one in the picture, or

  I don’t think Mr. Tanner would’ve believed him.

  After Mr. Tanner looked at the picture and

  Tyson’s arm a few more times, he said he had made

  an “innocent mistake” and that any “reasonable

  person” would have done the same thing. It

  seemed like a pretty lame apology to me, but I

  was just glad he wasn’t still talking about calling

  our parents.

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  After that, the party games were over, and the

  adults said it was time for us to turn in for the

  night. I think everyone who went to the Lock-

  In was planning on staying up all night, but at

  this point I was glad to go to sleep if it meant

  the night might go by quicker.

  I went to the auditorium to get into my sleeping

  bag, which was parked right next to Jennifer

  Houseman, who is actually not that bad-looking.

  But the grown-ups said the girls needed to take

  their stuff and move down the hall to the library

  media room and the boys had to stay in the

  auditorium.

  I was hoping I could get some rest, but a lot

  of the guys started horsing around, and it was

  impossible to sleep.

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  At one point George Fleer started chasing people

  around with his outie, which was pretty terrifying.

  See, this is the kind of thing I can’t stand about

  boys my age. When it comes down to it, they’re

  just a bunch of wild animals.

  When George started chasing people around, I

  excused myself to go to the bathroom so I could

  brush my teeth. The bathroom is in the back of

  the auditorium, and the lights were off, so it was

  really dark back there.

  screeeam!

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  I heard this weird noise, and I got a little

  freaked out for a second, because our school has a

  problem with rodents. But it turned out to just be

  Fregley playing by himself in the ball pit.

  Around midnight Mr. Palmero, the school guidance

  counselor, told everyone to get into their sleeping

  bags and settle down. Then he said there was no

  talking for the rest of the night and he didn’t

  want to hear a peep out of anyone.

  Every once in a while, somebody would cut the

  cheese, and that made Mr. Palmero really mad

  because he couldn’t figure out who was doing it.

  Activity

  Center

  Boys

  swish

  swish

  Ball Pit

  157

  After what happened earlier with the pictures,

  I think the grown-ups were just really sensitive

  about anything having to do with butts.

  Mr. Palmero said that if anyone needed to “pass

  gas,” they had to go behind the curtain on the

  stage to do it.

  So then a lot of the boys started taking turns

  telling Mr. Palmero they needed to go behind the

  curtain, and then they’d make the most obnoxious

  noises you can imagine.

  toot!

  hee hee

  hee!

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  That went on for a while, and it kind of reached

  its peak when David Rosenburg went down to the

  music room and brought back a tuba.

  I don’t know if it was a coincidence or not,

  but right about that time the heat went off in

  the auditorium.

  frbbbbbt!

  ha ha

  ha!

  BLARP!

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  In fact, I think someone turned the air

  conditioner on. All I know is that everyone

  stayed in their sleeping bags after that.

  After a while Mr. Palmero fell asleep, but all the

  boys were still awake. Some guys were saying this

  was like prison, and people were talking about

  busting out of there and going home.

  The problem was that all the exits were padlocked.

  I guess we should’ve known what we were getting

  into when they called this thing a “Lock-In.”

  shiver

  shiver

  shiver

  chatter

  chatter

  chatter

  chatter

  160

  Albert Sandy said he’d seen a movie where some

  guy busted out of prison with a spoon, and a lot

  of people got pretty excited about that idea.

  But it turns out that was just a bunch of

  Hollywood baloney, because we got some spoons

  from the kitchen and we couldn’t even make a

  DENT in the linoleum floor.

  dink

  dink

  dink

  dink

  dink

  dink

  dink dink

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  At about 1:30 in the morning, someone noticed

  flashing lights coming from outside, so we all went
/>
  to the back of the auditorium to see what was

  going on.

  There was a guy from the tow truck company,

  and he was walking around Mr. Palmero’s car,

  which was parked in a handicapped spot.

  We tried to get the towing guy’s attention so he

  could break us out of the school.

  help

  162

  But the guy never heard us, and he towed Mr.

  Palmero’s car. I thought about waking Mr.

  Palmero up to tell him, but I figured we should

  just let him get his rest.

  By this time it was so cold in the auditorium that

  us boys packed ourselves together like sardines to

  preserve body heat.

  I figured it was probably nice and toasty in the

  library media room, and I was seriously thinking

  about going back there and joining the girls.

  shiver

  shiver

  shiver

  shiver

  shiver

  163

  But I figured I’d get caught and I’d just be

  back where I started.

  I think I probably fell asleep around 2:30. Then

  at 3:00 there was a pounding on the back door

  that woke everybody up. Mr. Palmero unlocked the

  door, and there was a bunch of angry parents

  standing outside.

  Apparently, they’d been trying to call their

  kids to make sure everything was OK, but the

  kids weren’t answering, because Mr. Tanner took

  everyone’s cell phones. So then the parents called

  one another and everyone got all in a panic.

  To make a long story short, the parents who

  came to the school took their kids home with

  them. And that left the only two kids who didn’t

  have their own cell phones: me and Rowley. So

  that was pretty awkward.

  Something tells me this whole Lock-In idea was

  just a scheme set up by the parents and teachers

  to turn us kids off to boy-girl parties. And if

  that’s true, then mission accomplished.

  Activity

  Ball Pit

  165

  Monday