The Last Straw (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 3) Read online

Rodrick like that, I knew I had to take

  advantage of the situation.

  flash

  snip

  178

  I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom

  before Rodrick had a chance to catch me and

  take the camera. And I didn’t come back out

  until I was sure he was gone.

  Rodrick got me back, anyway. Last night I had

  a nightmare that I was sleeping on a nest of

  red ants, and that was thanks to him.

  shake

  The way I see it, now we’re even. But if there’s

  one thing I’ve learned about Rodrick, it’s that

  he’s still not gonna let it go. So that’s why I’m

  not that eager to hole up in a tent with him for

  the weekend.

  Saturday

  Today me, Dad, and Rodrick headed off on our

  camping trip. I picked a place that had a lot of

  manly activities that you could do.

  179

  On the way to the campground, the sky got

  dark, and then it started to rain.

  I wasn’t all that concerned, because our tent is

  waterproof, and Mom packed ponchos for everybody.

  But by the time we got to our campsite, it was six

  inches underwater.

  site8

  We were pretty far from home, so Dad decided

  we should just find a place to stay for the night.

  I was really bummed, because the whole point of

  the trip was for me to impress Dad with my

  camping skills, and now we were just gonna stay

  in some stupid hotel room.

  180

  Dad found a place and got a room with two beds

  and a pullout couch. We watched tV for a while

  and then started getting ready for bed.

  First, Dad went downstairs to the front desk

  to complain that the heater was too loud, so I

  was alone in the room with Rodrick.

  I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth,

  and when I came out, Rodrick was looking out

  the peephole. Then he said something that made

  me freeze in my tracks.

  He said that Holly Hills and her family were out

  in the hallway, and they were staying in the

  room right across from us.

  181

  I had to see this for myself. So I moved him

  out of the way and looked out the peephole.

  The hallway was completely empty. And before I

  realized it was a trick, Rodrick gave me a big

  shove, and I fell out the door.

  Then it got worse. Rodrick locked the door

  behind me, and I was stuck in the hallway wearing

  nothing but my tighty whities.

  Push

  Click

  182

  I pounded on the door, but Rodrick wouldn’t let

  me back in the room.

  I was making a big racket, and I realized

  people in the nearby rooms were gonna start

  opening their doors to find out what was going

  on. So I ran around the corner to save myself

  the embarrassment of anyone seeing me. I

  spent about fifteen minutes sneaking through

  the hallways, hiding every time I heard voices.

  I was gonna go back to our room and beg Rodrick

  to let me in, but then I realized I didn’t even

  know our room number. And all the doors

  looked exactly the same to me.

  183

  I couldn’t exactly go down to the front desk,

  either. The only option I really had was to try

  and find Dad.

  Then I remembered: Dad is a junk-food addict.

  I knew he’d eventually turn up at the vending

  machines, so that’s where I camped out.

  I wedged myself in between the soda machine and

  the candy machine and waited. I had to wait a

  really long time, but Dad finally did show up.

  You know what, though? After seeing the look on

  Dad’s face, I kind of wished I’d just sucked it

  up and gone to the front desk instead.

  Hi.

  184

  Sunday

  Well, after our camping trip, I’m pretty sure

  there’s no chance I can convince Dad to change

  his mind about Spag Union. So at this point,

  I’m not even gonna bother trying.

  I realized there are only about three more weeks

  before I get shipped out, so I figure this is

  my last chance to make a play for Holly Hills. If

  I’m lucky, maybe I can take some good memories

  with me to military academy, and my summer

  won’t be so bad.

  What Are You

  Smiling About,

  Private?

  Smooch

  Heh

  Heh.

  185

  I’ve been working up the nerve to talk to Holly for

  a long time, and I decided it was now or never.

  When we went to church today, I tried to make

  sure we sat right near the Hills family. But we

  ended up two rows in front of them, which I

  guess was close enough. And during the part

  where everybody shakes hands with one another,

  I made my move.

  The hand-shaking thing was actually just step

  one in a two-part plan, and the second part

  would come tonight. My next step was to call

  Holly on the phone and use the hand-shaking

  thing to get the conversation started.

  Peace Be With

  You, Holly

  Elizabeth Hills.

  Shake

  Shake

  186

  At dinner tonight, I told everyone that I

  needed to make a very important call, so everyone

  should stay off the phone. But I guess Rodrick

  must’ve figured out I was gonna call a girl,

  because he took all the handsets and hid them.

  That meant the only way to make a call was to

  use the speakerphone in the kitchen, but there

  was no chance of tHAt happening.

  Hi, Holly, This is Greg

  Heffley. You Might

  Remember Me From A Very

  Special “Peace Be With You.”

  (Blush)

  187

  I told Mom that Rodrick took all the phones, and

  she made him return them to where they belonged.

  Eventually, Rodrick went down to the basement.

  Later on I snuck into Mom and Dad’s room to

  make my call. I turned off the lights so Rodrick

  wouldn’t know I was in there, and I hid under

  a blanket. Then I waited for about twenty

  minutes to make sure he hadn’t followed me.

  Before I had a chance to dial Holly’s number,

  someone walked in the room and turned on the

  light. I thought for suRe it was Rodrick.

  But it wasn’t. It was DAD.

  Click

  188

  I decided to stay perfectly still and let Dad

  get whatever he needed and leave.

  But Dad didn’t leave. He got into bed and started

  reading a book.

  I should have just uncovered myself the second

  Dad walked in the room, because now I couldn’t

  just get up and walk out or I’d give him a heart

  attack. So I decided to just sneak out of the

  room real slow.

  I moved about an inch a second. I figured it

  would take me about a half hour to make it all

/>   the way out of the room, but there would still be

  enough time to call Holly after that.

  Civil

  War

  Scoot

  Scoot

  I was only about five feet from the bedroom

  door when the phone in my hand rang and

  scared the living daylights out of me.

  I think Dad really did almost have a heart

  attack. And once he recovered, he didn’t look

  happy to see me.

  Dad made me get out of his room, and then he

  slammed the door.

  I’m sure this episode didn’t help my standing with

  Dad, but I guess at this point it’s probably too

  late, anyway.

  Scream!

  Scream!

  Ring

  Civil

  War

  190

  Tuesday

  Two days have already passed since I shook

  hands with Holly, and I didn’t want any more

  time to go by before I spoke with her again.

  Luckily, Dad and Rodrick weren’t home tonight,

  so I knew I could make a phone call without

  being bothered. I practiced what I was going to

  say about a million times, and then I finally

  worked up the nerve to make the call.

  I dialed Holly’s number, and the phone started

  ringing. But right then Mom picked up the

  phone downstairs.

  Mom has this really bad habit of just dialing

  without checking to see if anyone else is using

  the phone, and that’s what she did tonight.

  191

  I tried to stop her, but it was no use.

  BEEP BOOP

  BEEP

  MOM!

  BOOP BEEP

  BEEP

  MOM!

  The phone kept ringing at the Hills’s house, and

  then someone picked up. It was Holly’s mother.

  Mom was really confused, since she didn’t dial

  the Hills’s number in the first place. I just

  held my breath and waited for it all to be over.

  HELLO? HELLO?

  WHO’S THIS?

  192

  It took Mom and Mrs. Hills a minute to figure

  out who was on the other end of the line. But

  once they did, they just started chatting like

  nothing strange had happened at all.

  They got into this long conversation about the

  PtA and the fundraising committee and stuff

  like that. I couldn’t really hang up, because

  then Mom would hear the click and know someone

  was on the other end.

  Eventually, the conversation between Mom and

  Mrs. Hills turned to me.

  . . .CALLED

  HIS BROTHER

  A “PLOOPY.”

  MM HMM. . .

  At that point I just put the phone down and

  went to bed. I figure that a phone call between

  me and Holly isn’t meant to be, so I’m officially

  giving up.

  193

  Friday

  Today at school I overheard Holly tell a couple

  of her friends that she was gonna meet them at

  the rollerskating rink tonight, and a lightbulb

  went on over my head.

  After school I asked Mom if she’d take me to

  the Roll-a-Round tonight, and she said yes but

  I’d have to get a ride home from someone else’s

  parents. So I invited Rowley along.

  As soon as Rowley showed up at my front door,

  I knew I made a mistake inviting him.

  Rowley had his hair all teased up, and he was

  dressed just like his favorite singer, Joshie.

  194

  And I think Rowley might have even been wearing

  sparkly lip gloss, but I can’t say for sure. I

  couldn’t stop to worry about the way Rowley

  looked, though, because I had my own problems.

  Earlier on I had lost one of my contact lenses, so

  that meant I had to wear my backup glasses. The

  lenses on those things are about three inches thick,

  and they look ridiculous.

  If I’m not wearing my contact lenses or my

  glasses, I’m as blind as a bat. I guess I should

  just feel lucky that I wasn’t alive during caveman

  times, because I wouldn’t have been able to hunt or

  do anything useful. I’m sure my tribe-mates would’ve

  ditched me the first chance they got.

  IS THIS WHERE

  YOU GUYS SAW

  THAT ALBINO

  WOOLLY MAMMOTH?

  BLINK

  BLINK

  ZOW

  ZIP

  195

  I probably would’ve had to become a wise man or

  something just to make everyone think I was

  worth keeping around.

  On the ride to the rollerskating rink tonight,

  I gave Rowley some instructions on how to

  behave if I got into a conversation with Holly

  Hills—knowing him, he could seriously hurt my

  chances with her.

  I wish I had waited until we were out of the

  car, because Mom overheard our conversation.

  Holly Hills? Holly

  Hills Was The Only

  Four-Year-Old At

  Preschool Who Wasn’t

  Potty Trained.

  La La La...

  I Can’t

  Hear You!

  196

  When we pulled up at the Roll-a-Round, I got

  out of the car before Mom could say anything

  else I didn’t want to hear.

  Me and Rowley paid our admission and then went

  inside. We rented our skates and brought them

  over to the arcade area, where I scoped out the

  whole scene.

  I spotted Holly over by the snack bar. She was

  with a bunch of her friends, so I wasn’t ready

  to go and talk to her just yet.

  At 9:00 the DJ announced “Couples Skate.” A

  lot of people were pairing up, and Holly was sitting

  at a table, all alone. I knew this was the chance

  I was waiting for.

  197

  I started making my way over to her, but

  getting around on skates was a lot harder

  than I thought it would be. I had to hug the

  wall just to stay on my feet.

  It was taking forever, and I realized the

  song was gonna be over by the time I got to

  Holly. So I got down on my butt and scooted

  over to her to speed things up.

  scooch

  scooch

  I almost got run over a couple of times, but I

  finally made it to the snack bar.

  198

  Holly was still there, sitting by herself. Time

  was running out, so I had to take a shortcut

  through a puddle of soda to get to her.

  On my way across the snack bar, I tried to

  work out what I was going to say to Holly. I

  realized I wasn’t looking my coolest at that

  moment, so I knew I was gonna have to say

  something pretty smooth to make up for it. But

  before I even had a chance to open my mouth,

  Holly said four words that changed everything —

  Isn’t Your

  Name “Fregley”?

  I started to tell her I was Greg Heffley, the

  guy from the “Doggie Dropped It” joke, but

  right then Couples Skate ended, and Holly’s friends

  swooped in and pulled her out onto the rink.

/>   199

  I made my way back to the arcade, and that’s

  where I stayed for the rest of the night.

  Because believe me, I was Not in the mood

  for skating.

  Can I Go

  Get A Soda?

  No.

  You know, I probably should’ve realized a long

  time ago that Holly wasn’t worth my time.

  Somebody who would mistake me for Fregley

  definitely has something wrong with them.

  I’m officially done with girls. I should just

  ask Dad to see if Spag Union has early admission,

  because there’s really no point in me sticking

  around here anymore.

  200

  June

  Friday

  Today was the last day of school, and everybody

  was in a good mood but me. Everyone else is

  looking forward to having fun this summer, but

  all I’ve got to look forward to is sit-ups and

  marching drills.

  At lunch, everyone handed their yearbooks

  around for people to sign, and when I got mine

  back, here’s what was on the last page —

  Don’t be a fool

  Be cool

  Slick

  At first I couldn’t figure out who “Slick” was,

  but then I realized it was just Rowley. A couple

  of days ago, Rowley was standing near an older

  kid’s locker, and the guy wanted Rowley to move.

  201

  So here’s what the guy said —

  So I guess now Rowley thinks “Slick” is his

  permanent nickname or something. I just hope

  he doesn’t expect me to say it.

  I flipped through the pages to see who else

  signed my yearbook, and there was one that made

  me stop in my tracks. It was from Holly Hills.

  First of all, she wrote my actual name, so that

  means she figured out who I was since Friday

  night. And second, she wrote “k.I.t.” at the

  end, which everyone knows means “Keep in

  Touch.” You’d better believe I’m gonna take

  her up on her offer.

  Step Away

  From My

  Locker,

  Slick.

  202

  Greg,

  I don’t really know you all that